el optimista por gonzalo alvarez

With pleasure, gentlemen. I am the optimist. Starving, but I'm an artist. I do the dishes, I fix the kitchen, I take the gossip to the neighbor's. I sweep his house, I clean his bathrooms, I blow up balloons for his birthday. I'll throw him a party, I'll kill the turkey for him. If he's feeling unwell, I'll soothe his

hangover. If he's taken Viacra mixed with whiskey, I'll turn into Monica. I

kill mosquitoes, I chase rats, I deactivate landmines, I sew buttons and change light bulbs, I take care of pensioners and make masks. I read his cards, I read the tobacco, I dye his hair, I shave his armpit. If you want, I can be your car jack. If you don't have a dog, I'll bark at you at

night. [Music] I chase thieves and carry coffins. I bring you reasons and I bring health. I'll find him a lost love, I'll make his wife jealous, and if he's bored, I'll get him a mistress. I wash underwear, give injections, take care of the children, and put on condoms. Filth. I get interviews, I make up excuses.

I stand in line for him, pay his fines, forge his signatures, change his fingerprints, and I'm an expert at inflating bottles. I perform exorcisms. I scare the devil away and try out brides for marriage. Seriously, open your eyes, you idiot, and open your eyes. I entrust the child to him, I fix the

bottle, I burp him, I clean up the mess, leaving behind cane fields when they smell bad. After bathing him, I sunbathed him. When she's really sad, I soothe her crying. And if you can't, I love you. Filth, filth. I serve as a witness in any matter. If you have no proof, I'll bring the deceased. I do