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KT #782 - RON WHITE + JERRON HORTON — Transcript · YTtoTranscript

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KT #782 - RON WHITE + JERRON HORTON

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Below is the complete, readable transcript of KT #782 - RON WHITE + JERRON HORTON by Kill Tony on YouTube. Read the full text, copy any part you need, or generate a transcript for any video with our free tool.

HEY, THIS IS RED MAN COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.

Adam Ray and Jim Norton, Rob

J.

Heat.

Heat.

We yo, if it's good for me, then it's good for me. >> Yo, if it's good for me, then it's good for me. >> One more time. If it's good for me, >> then it's good for you. >> Hell yeah. Love it.

Hey, THIS IS RED MAN COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM THE COMEDY MOTHERSHIP HERE IN AUSTIN, TEXAS FOR A BRAND NEW EPISODE OF KILL DANNY GON

who's the best [ __ ] night of their lives, huh?

Y

and that is the best damn band in all the land. Make some noise for them. Huh? Raul Mallejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, T Leches, Michael Gonzalez, the great Matt Muelling on the electric guitar, John De's on the keys, and that is D Madness Live in the Flesh, ladies and gentlemen. Hell yeah. We have a hell of a show for

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you. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Well, hello there. I got to tell you, it is a scorching sports summer and you can make all your picks on Prize Picks. Women's basketball and baseball are heating up and every football preseason game is kicking off this month on Prize

Picks, America's number one sports pick app. I've been getting more into football as preseason ramps up as always. Just hung out with Coach Sarkeesian watching all the big videos doing my research for fantasy football, the rookies, the players on the teams trying to make an impact. Prize picks gives me an easy way to follow all the

action. And I can make a lineup by selecting more or less on player projections, add a few players together, and track everything right in the app while I watch Redban. The football preseason is here, and there's no better place to run your game than prize picks. Build a lineup with player stats, pick

game winners, spreads, or totals, and combine them in the same lineup. It's available IN ALL 50 STATES. >> That's right. Download the app today and use code Tony to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. Download the app today and use code Tony to get $150 instantly in lineups if you

win your first $5 lineup prize picks. America's number one sports pick app. All right, before we get into it, I got to tell you guys about something. We just launched Kill Tony Plus. Here's the deal. You sign up, you get every new episode ad free and uncensored. We're giving members a brand new angle of the

show that's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience. You also get bonus content, Q&A episodes, behindthe-scenes stuff, extra bits you're not getting anywhere else. And there's perks on the merch store, too. It's five bucks a month. That's less than a cost of a beer

or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things. Links in the description or go straight to killton.supcast.com supercast.com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity for all you diehard fans and super haters. Go to killtoniesupcast.com. All right, back to the show. You guys ready to start this [ __ ] show or

what? Gosh darn it. Every single week I book two of the funniest human beings on planet Earth. This week, absolutely positively no different. One is one of my oldest friends in comedy. We were door guys together at the comedy store and he's one of my favorite roast writers and comedians. And the other one

is my dream father. Literally a guy that I look up to every single day. I uh golf with him. He is truly one of the greatest comedians of all time. Make some noise for the great Ron White and Shiron Hort. Oh yeah, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Ron. Oh my goodness. One more time for Ron

White. And we are introducing Giron Horton here tonight to the Kilton Tony universe. Welcome. Welcome, Giron. One of the great roast riders of the world. fresh off of writing a bunch of jokes for the roast of Kevin Hart and of course the roast of Tom Brady. Uh welcome. >> Thank you, man. [ __ ] yeah. It's good.

The the the [ __ ] lights are bright on this is a [ __ ] show. >> It's this is it. You're in uh you're in the eye of the storm. You don't get this in uh LA or Atlanta or um >> anywhere else. >> Anywhere else. This is it. You're it. >> It's it's it's good to be back in your

good graces. >> Yeah, >> Tony. >> What do you mean? like, well, I mean, this [ __ ] stopped talking to me for six years cuz I wouldn't let him beat me in Madden. >> That's true. Uh, him and I have an unbelievable uh old rivalry on online uh PS5/Xbox uh college football and Madden. And he

is very good. I got to tell you, these blacks are very good at uh the blacks are very good at video games. I don't know if they have an extra muscle in their thumbs or something like that, but uh they are built for that type of stuff. I mean, they're tremendous on the field and on the couch

when it comes to football. Uh the great Ron White is here, ladies and gentlemen. The man that convinced us all to move here. He got the party started. Got us all out here. The man, the myth, the legend. Ron, welcome back. Your wisdom is appreciated here. My wisdom is ignored. >> No, no, it's great to be back. It's

great. You know, I've been watching this show grow for a decade or so in LA and I was always a big fan of it. So, whenever I can >> doing absolutely nothing else, I'll [ __ ] >> We're going to have some fun tonight. About 300 human beings signed up for the opportunity to perhaps get pulled out of

this bucket. It is unbelievable. If I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And that rudely interrupts their set.

And then I conduct an interview. We all talk to them about what we saw, maybe find out more about them. They go from being a 60-second stand-up comedian to a guest on the number one live podcast in the world in 60 seconds. You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? I'm going to let this uh I'm going to

let this guy out of the Zar machine pick the first name out of the bucket. Look at this Armenian wizard that we have here tonight. Absolutely incredible. While we wrangle that first bucket pool, I have a golden ticket winner who's ready to give us a new 60 seconds. We haven't seen him in a while. Make some

noise, ladies and gentlemen, for the long- aaited return of JJ Alexander. Here we go. 60 seconds for JJ. Hey, how we doing? Uh, I'm trying to hit the gym again. It's uh not going good. I feel really awkward at the gym all the time. Like I hate the process of waiting in line to use the machines, you know?

Like I was waiting in line to use this one machine. It's like the hip abductor. I just call it the good girl, bad girl machine. It's like good girl, bad girl. You know that machine? You know that machine at every gym that was invented by the horniest guy of all time? He's like, I bet we can get these [ __ ] to

pop their [ __ ] in a plane and fit. give him $17 million yesterday, you know. But anyways, I'm waiting to use that machine at the gym. There's this lady on it. And what I wanted to tell her was like, "Hey, um, I already have the bottle in the rag. I can just wipe

it down before I use it. It's no big deal." But all I ended up saying to her was, "Hey, don't wipe it down." And those are the only words I said to that woman. And in my head, I was like, "Hey, good job, JJ. You talked to a woman today. Keep fighting. That's good.

She's getting her cardio. Just running out to the parking lot as fast as she could, you know. It's fun. Thank you guys so much for my time. Thank you. >> JJ Alexander shocking us with gym material today. >> Yeah, dude. I'm in a weight loss challenge right now, dude. >> Really? How much weight have you lost?

>> I've lost 16 lbs. Let's go. Yeah. >> How are you doing it? What are you doing? >> I have been eating nothing but beef and cheese. That's it. Just beef and cheese and milk. a lot of bills. >> Good luck taking a [ __ ] >> This is This is actually wild. I I found

out the other day that I've been pooping wrong my entire life. >> Tell us about that. >> Yeah. So, you know, I I this is so at one time when I was a boy, I couldn't go. So, like what I did is I would squat up, you know, like imagine this is the

toilet seat. >> Oh, no. >> No. There's no way. >> I'd hit the This I call this the gargoyle. That's what I hit, you know. Oh, and the thing is you got to take your socks and shoes off to do it effectively cuz you slide off and it's bad. But yeah, every day I've been doing

that. >> How long have you been gargoying? >> I've been I've been hitting the gargoyle since I was 8 years old and I remember the day. Yeah. >> How long you been working with the stool? >> Yes. That's good stuff, man. >> So, you still gargoyle? >> Yeah. No. And only in times of need now.

You know, >> you're a big guy. Have you broken toilet? Have you broken toilets? >> Not broken a toilet, but I do hit it at work all the time. This is crazy. >> What do you do for work? Uh, >> I work at the Dutch Pros coffee shop. Hey, come on. >> Wow. Yeah. God, I hate my job, dude. I I

hit the moment like I started doing more like obviously because of this show and I've been touring a lot, going out on the road, doing hell gigs. They're great, you know, but I just show up at my job and I hate it. And I have to be nice to every single person that comes

through the line and it'll just be like this annoying white lady that comes to my line every single day. And she's like, "You don't know what I want already." I'm like, "Ma'am, you're the 17th white woman in a Subaru I've seen today." Okay. You're not special. >> Wow. But I just fire I'm fired up about

it. So, I have to like find ways of getting back at them. So, like if I tell a customer to have a great day, that's what I mean. It means have a great day. But if I tell a customer to like have a good day, that means go [ __ ] yourself. That's what that means.

>> I get it out, dude. I'm not getting written up. >> Where are you from? You have a little bit of like an odd Italian accent for what appear for what appears to be >> even though you look like an albino French bulldog. This is incredible. >> Where are you from? >> I'm from uh Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Uh yeah. Yeah. This where the Air Force Academy is, all that stuff. >> Okay. >> Olympic Training Center. That's that's there. >> Wow. Is that okay? You should teach them how to gargoyle up there. >> You do? Yeah. I want to fix people's bodies. This the secret. What? Here's the tough part about it is once you do

it one time, you can't go back ever again. >> Try it one time. >> What? >> The goil. You have to You hit the [ __ ] one time. >> You never go back to pooping the regular way. And I've been trying. I'm trying to stop. >> Nobody here wants to [ __ ] like you.

>> It's cuz they can't. Wait a minute. >> Oh, no. >> Yeah. No, never mind. Never mind. >> Are you talking about a Squatty Potty? Is that what you're talking about? >> No, I just stand on the seat. That's That's a way to save money, dude. >> Wow. That is >> I don't got I don't got $15. I work at

the Dutch Bros Corporation. Are you kidding me? >> Oh my goodness. >> Hit the $3 tip button. Okay. I can't tell you how much pain I'm in being on the other side of the iPad every day. How long have you been working at this place? >> I'm working at the Dutch Bros for two

years. Two years in. >> Do you hear that accent that you kind of have? I've been working there for two years. Like at what part of Colorado? I don't understand. Did you hang out with Italians or something? >> No, never. >> Where did that come from? Do you watch like Donnie Brasco before breakfast

every day? Like, what's going on there? >> No, I I I drank too much soda backstage and then my voice sounds weird. I've been crushing Diet Coke up there. I'm like, they're going to cut me off soon. I thought it was going to >> This guy drank so many diet cokes he turned Italian. That is incredible.

>> IT'S THE OLD FRIDGE CIGARETTE. E, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? >> WOW. UNBELIEVABLE. JJ, WELL, you got tonight's show started for us. Uh, I love what you did. You got it out. You did the jokes. You [ __ ] You enunciated. You were cleared in your 60 seconds. Great stuff. JJ Alexander.

Appreciate it. Love you guys. Thank you so much. >> All right, people. You guys know what happens now. This is when we get to the bucket. I mean, absolutely anything can happen. It could be a crazy person. It could be the absolute future of comedy. Either way, we could find the next great

talent or absolute unprepared insanity. That's what the show is. You guys ready for it? Your first bucket pool of the night goes by the name of Mio Love. Everyone, 60 seconds uninterrupted for Mio Love. I want a guy to be so obsessed with me. Then before going down on me, he leaves my C-section like an envelope. H

>> I'm stressing out. Trump's stressing me out. Everybody keeps saying that his neck look like a [ __ ] My GJ don't look like that. So I think I might be growing a dick. My suspicions keep growing. I went the other day to buy some new panties, some lingerie. And as soon as I tried him on,

my dick popped out. It was like the pante was Moses and he was parting the Red Sea. Think by now I should be gay or a lesbian, but I'm bad with scissors and I'm allergic to plastic. So I'm trying celibacy, you know, but she slips. So I grew on a full bush like a chass

ain't working. I'm out here giving magic carpet rides. It's a whole new world. Thank you so much, guys. >> All right, Mio Love, welcome. This is your first time on the show, correct? >> Second time, Tony. >> Oh, okay. You drew your eyebrows on differently tonight. I didn't recognize you. >> Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. How long you

been doing standup now, Mo? >> Six years. >> Six years. Wow. Amazing. I like your style, Mio. You look like uh an X-Men character from Tijana, Mexico or something like that. Uh, welcome. Welcome. What do you do for work? What hair salon do you work at exactly? >> I am actually going to graduate from

barbering school. So, if you need a haircut, I got you. Sorry. >> I [ __ ] nailed it. Is that what you're saying? Wow. I still got it. >> I still got it. Wow. I thought I was making a joke and you're like, "Actually, I'm about to get my diploma in that. I'm gonna be I got my barber

degree." I [ __ ] love it. This is absolutely incredible. M love, how many kids do you have? >> Two. >> Only two. >> Two girls. >> Two what? >> Two girls. >> Okay. How old are they? >> And uh five and seven. And the 5-year-old's birthday is the 21st. >> Okay. I was just going to ask, when's

the 5-year-old's birthday? Uh it's perfect. Is your is your hair cut that way so people could see your eyebrows? Is that >> I believe so. I believe so. >> Good question, Red Bam. Anyway, >> I saw Michael Gonzalez's dad uh staring at you so hard during your set that you might have a third baby on the way. By

the way, Mr. Gonzalez with just a staredown can impregnate a [ __ ] little chalupa like you, Molo. And he's wearing a Yankees hat. Yes. >> Are you a Yankees fan? >> Yes. >> Oh, wow. Okay. >> Puerto Rican. >> You're Puerto Rican? >> Of course. >> Oh, amazing. How Puerto Rican are you

exactly? >> Born and raised. Born and raised. >> Wow. Okay. What do you think is the most Puerto Rican thing about you? Like what do you do? What's your behavior like? What do you do like in an average day in which you think is >> the most Puerto Rican thing that I do is

that I fly Spirit or Frontier and that when we land in Puerto Rico, we still clap. If you fly American Airlines, you won't get the Puerto Rican experience. >> Wow, that is a great answer. That is a great answer. You did so good with that answer that I'm going to do a couple more cultures here. I'm going to

ask you this. What do you even though you're not black, what is the blackest thing about you? What's something you do? >> Okay, you have an answer already. THIS IS GOOD. >> NO, HIS HISTORICALLY PUERTO Ricans are black. We black Hispan uh tinos and Spaniards. Uh and the blackest thing about me, I will have to say I'm always

late. I I would say the bullet hole in your shoulder is probably the blackest thing about you. It's definitely the bullet hole. She the bullet hole in her shoulder, ladies and gentlemen. >> Oh my god. >> What is that from? What is that? >> So, um actually it's from deployment. I went to Afghanistan. What?

Oh my god. >> She got flued out. What? >> She got flued out. She's the only person on the [ __ ] uh Blackhawk helicopter that clapped when it landed. Yay, we made it. I'm going to [ __ ] cut some of these guys hair. Afghan men are hairy. Want the bar? I

just got the barber diploma. The thing is that he's so accurate right now. >> Mio love. So what's your love life like? Mio love. >> So um you want the love story that you cost. You cost it. >> Okay. >> I announced my divorce and kill Tony. >> You did. How long ago were you on the

show? >> Um 693. >> What? >> Episode 693. Can you give a ballpark of when? >> I don't know. Tony, I'm mad. I'm I'm bad with me. >> You know the number of the episode, but you don't you can't give a ballpark. Was it a year ago? >> I only remember because it's like

divisible by three. It's like 693. Like that's >> Oh my god. >> Yeah. And so I went I told everybody that I was divorced and I got hundreds of dip pics. Like I'm going to say Kill Tony is a better dating app than Bumble. For real. >> Well, yeah. When you only talk about

your dilapidated [ __ ] and have your tits halfway out, that's what you're going to get. >> And then and then >> Chiron doesn't get any of those after doing this show. >> Like >> the options. I'm going to tell you the truth. I really was hoping for like a Luigi Manion, but no. No. I got

of America.

>> I was hoping for a Luigi, but I got a Mario. A bunch of plumbers. >> No, I got a red bear. Like for real, like a red band. Whoa. >> It was really, really bad. It was really, really bad. Um, you couldn't find a hairline. It was just >> Okay. All right. So, Mia, what's your

love life like right now? >> Um, I am looking for love. Um, >> it looks like you've been [ __ ] in the face a lot. >> No. >> What the [ __ ] is going on here, Red Band? Let's do sound effects for the next like 30 minutes cuz you're just out

of it. I think you start the vodka Red Bulls a little early. The vodka [ __ ] them up and the Red Bull gives him the energy and confidence to say things everybody. The worst combination for Redb. >> Okay. So, um Mia Love, when you say you're looking for love, what does that

mean? Are you on the apps? Are you talking to guys out in public? What's your dream guy? What does he look like? >> So, my dream guy physically I'm not like really into anything. Like, I can do the whole rainbow. Um I just want Gay, man. >> No. No. [ __ ] no. No. Hey, are you gay?

No way, Jose. Hell no. >> Okay. >> You want a real me? >> Wow. The band has something for them. >> They've been waiting years to be able to do that. No way. Jose jingle. >> Okay. So, you don't care what he looks like, but >> you know, I mean, not that [ __ ] up.

like not repping, but at the same time like at the same time like I care more about what's the inside than what is in the outside. >> Wow. The inside of their wallet, I'm guessing is what >> Tony, I got my own money. I cut hair, bro. Like, LET ME >> You're funny, M. Love. I like your

style. that you really got to find a way to let your real personality come out on stage cuz you're hilarious. The jokes are a little tired, but you're [ __ ] funny. You got to >> let that shine through, man. However you do it, I don't >> I completely I completely agree with

Ron. you were hitting home runs here during the interview part and the set was, you know, sex, but like your your natural stuff, like if you talked about being Puerto Rican and clapping on the plane, >> Spirit Airlines, >> you know, that [ __ ] stuff is great comedy. >> Thank you. Thank you. I will. Thank you.

I'll take it, Tony. >> Yep, you got it. Here's a big joke book. Me love. There you go. >> It has begun. There goes me love, everybody. Hello there again. If you've been sitting on a business idea, Shopify makes it easy to turn that idea into something real. You know, when we launched our Kill Tony storefront, I was

surprised by how much was already taken care of. I didn't need a bunch of different tools or complicated setup steps. Everything I needed to start selling was there from day one. One of the biggest things I noticed early on was how smoothly customers moved through checkout. Shopify checkout helped more people complete their purchases and

returning customers could check out even faster because their information was already saved. That friction-free experience gave me the confidence that the sales side was working the way that it should and so many things are selling perfectly at killmerch.com thanks to Shopify. And once that foundation was in place, my focus shifted from building

the store to actually growing the business. Instead of worrying about the technical side, I could spend more time improving products, designing hoodies, new uh amazing funny connections with the show, connecting with customers, and finding new ways to grow. Redban, >> it's also reassuring knowing Shopify powers millions of businesses worldwide. From firsttime entrepreneurs to major

brands, the infrastructure is already there. You just bring the idea. >> That's right. With Shopify, nothing stands between your idea and a real business. So go make it one. Start your free trial at shopify.com/killton. Start your free trial at shopify.com/killton Tony. Are you your next bucket full? Oh, there's the lovely Heidi. Everybody

la. Follow her at heidiena.com and every everything. All right. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Elazar Guzman. Everybody. Elazar Guzman. Hey everybody. I am also Puerto Rican. >> But I know I look like a Jew hiding in Mexico. Anybody here fans of history? >> [ __ ] nerd. >> No, I'm kidding. I'm a big fan. I like

to get high and learn about history. This is a real thing I learned. In most cultures, most societies in the world, in order to have a king, you'd have to have an ancestral relationship. Yeah, cuz you got to keep the bloodline pure. I don't if you guys know about genetics, you get [ __ ] up people when

that happens, right? But I want you to imagine what it would be like to work for that king. Let me take you back a thousand years. Guy goes up to the king, "SIRE, SIRE, the French have attacked." And the king goes,

cuz he's [ __ ] Uh, >> I noticed I had to fill in the blanks for the back room. Uh, >> but yeah, thank you. That's my time. >> Elazar, am I saying that right? Elazar. >> You did first time actually. >> Alazar Guzman, you've been on this show before? >> Yeah, twice.

>> Welcome. Welcome. Welcome back. Tell us what uh what do we know about you, Elazar? What do we know already? What do you do? How long you been on standup? Uh, in September it'll be 13 years. >> 13 years. Wow. Uh, >> what do you do for work? >> Uh, I used to be a cook. Uh, now I'm I'm

just doing temp work and trying to do uh work on the road on the weekends. >> Nice. How often are you getting out on the road? >> Uh, it's maybe like two or three weekends a month. >> Okay. Where's the last place you went? >> Uh, Witchah, Kansas. >> What did you learn about Witchah when

you were there? What are your thoughts about Witchah? Uh they're really uh they really repressed the gay a lot. >> What do you mean? >> Uh there was like three people at the show that were like, "My husband told me he was gay and like my brother just told me he was gay." But it was like

everybody was in shock. You know, >> will you get me a flight to Witchah to uh I need to go meet some of these newly gay dudes? Some fresh ass. You know what I'm saying? >> All right. Uh I love it. What do you do for fun, Elazar? Uh, for fun, I am I'm sort of I am I'm a

nerd. I like to learn about history and weird [ __ ] like that. >> You really are into history. What's the craziest thing about history that you've learned recently that you could share with these people? Li, as you heard, there was literally a guy when you, you know, asked the rhetorical question, anyone into history, two of my fans,

this is how unbelievable my bass is, literally go no. So, uh, if you could teach these, uh, brilliant, brilliant minds, a lot of camo hats out here tonight. Uh, if you could teach them something amazing about history. >> Sure. Um, you guys heard the winners of wars write history or that >> again. No, you can't ask them questions

like you have to just give them the information. >> Well, um, that makes me not trust it, right? Cuz for example, when they found Hitler's body, they said he had a micro penis. But of course, they're going to say that. What else are they going to say? Yeah, he killed six million people, but

he had a huge [ __ ] >> because then that then that technically makes him the winner. All right. Uh, >> okay. Uh, you you only know about Hitler's dick from history? That's like what you read about? >> Yeah, pretty much. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Do you know any you have any black

history facts you want to share with the >> black history facts? >> Yeah. Well, you are you're a studyer of all history. I'm interested in knowing. >> Black history is history, too. >> Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. What do you know about black history? >> All I know is that I'm supposed to be

part black being Puerto Rican. And uh that makes me a part of your history, right? >> And that's true. Y'all [ __ ] be denying that [ __ ] Y'all leaving us out to dry. >> [ __ ] I ain't denying it, bro. >> And they're only leaving you out to dry because they don't have running water in

Puerto Rico. You guys are the exact same color. >> No, actually I have a farmer's tan. So, uh, >> wow. That is something else. >> Yeah. >> So, Elazar, you're la the last comedian up here was also Puerto Rican. I'm going to ask you what I asked her. What is the most Puerto Rican thing about you? Like

something that you do perhaps a daily behavior or something in your routine or something that you sometimes do that you consider what you're like, "Wow, that comes from my Puerto Rican roots." White people and black people Don't be doing that. >> White people and black people. That's tough. Um >> something something that you do. Puerto

Rican. >> What do I do? >> Like you you ever take spaghetti and meatballs and then wrap it in a tortilla and eat it? Something like that. >> No, I'm trying to watch my carbs right now. Um [ __ ] you, dude. Um >> [ __ ] it. What's What's the most Puerto

Rican thing about me? >> That's what I'm Oh, I don't I don't speak Spanish. That's >> that's a very common Puerto Rican thing. >> What is that? >> Uh I don't know. I just My par actually my parents used to talk Spanish around me just so they can talk [ __ ] so that I

couldn't understand them. >> Wow. >> So uh yeah, basically you know he didn't clean his room but it was and I didn't know what they were saying. >> Do do you remember anything that they said? Something they used to call you or something? >> Um no >> nothing at all. Huh? I mean, I had one

relative call me Ricky Rardo, but uh >> Okay, that stuck with you, huh? >> Yeah, a little bit. >> I love it. I love it. Other than history, you have any hobbies or anything? You have like uh you ever parkour or Pokemon or rollerblade or anything like that? >> Dude, if I parkour, I would die first

day. >> Yeah. >> Uh I don't have the upper body strength or any other kind of strength, but um >> for for like physical activity, I do basketball. Fast one. I like to run. >> Oh, okay. >> Yeah. >> All right. What type of run? What type of running do you do? Do you go to a

track or do you just go on the street? >> Oh, actually I do Uber Eats and I just I do Uber Eats walking and I run to each location. Really? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. That's why your food is late. I'm sorry. Uh >> Wow. And why do you not drive? Why do you not drive the Uber Eats?

>> Uh I don't have a bike. I I I run. But um but no, I used to have a lot of anxiety, like a chronic anxiety, and uh I used to have panic attacks all the time. And for most of my life, I couldn't drive or do anything kind of like behind the wheel.

And then I went to a bunch of therapy and now I can drive. I just don't have a car yet. So, >> you don't have a car? No. >> That's the most Puerto Rican thing about you. Congratulations. You have an answer for the next time somebody asks you. >> All right, Alazar. Uh you uh you had uh

you had fun up here. Jews hiding. Um, yeah, Jew hiding in Mexico. Fun. Uh, you did you did good. Here's a big joke book, buddy. There you go. Elazar Guzman, everybody. >> All right, a couple repeat guests that have been on a couple years ago. And now this looks like a brand new name. I'm

pretty sure of it. Let's see what happens here. This is a minute from Out of the Bucket. Anthony Win, everybody. Here comes Anthony Win.

I've worked in a lot of different kitchens. Uh, so I know that technically all food is Mexican food. I mean, I'll put it like this. Uh, if you go to a restaurant, you sit down, you don't want to hear cold play coming from the kitchen. Okay? You want to hear peso pluma. You want to hear bad boy.

I mean, if it's my restaurant and I'm going through resumes and I got to pick between Tyler from Seattle or uh Jesus de la Sonota, Tyler is going to hit his elf bar in the walk-in till it dies and have a panic attack in the middle of the dinner rush. Pero per Jesus.

Jesus no problem.

Yeah. >> Thank you. >> Wow. What a set. Anthony Win doing it. >> Welcome, Anthony. How long you been doing standup? >> Uh, about 5 years. >> Hell yeah. Where at? >> Las Vegas. >> Okay. And you still live in Vegas? >> I just moved out here like uh almost a year ago.

>> Nice. Were you born and raised in Vegas? >> Yes, sir. >> I love it. How old are you? >> 30. >> 3. >> 3. >> Good. >> And uh what do you what have you done for work most of your life? Obviously. >> I'm I'm a chef right now. I'm a habachi

chef. >> Oh, wow. Here in Austin. >> Yes. And I am the diversity hire for the company. >> Oh, that's amazing. >> I love I mean, who doesn't love habachi? This is our chief habachi correspondent, Brian Redband, here. >> There you go. Very good. That's what he does. What kind of special tricks do you

do when you're habachiing? You throw in the shrimp in the baby's mouth and everything. >> A really big one is speaking English. They love that. They love that. Obviously, the onion volcano, but I usually just bring sake and get everybody drunk. >> Nice. Smart. Absolutely great. Now, uh, how how long have you been in the

habachi business? >> Three years. >> Do you find that it's a lot of pressure cooking in front of people rather than behind closed doors? >> It's actually way better. Yeah. >> It's way better to cook for people. >> You get the instant gratification. You get to see how happy they are. >> Yes. Yes. Yes.

>> That's a rewarding part. >> Yes, sir. >> Amazing. I love it. Uh how I always wonder when people are born and raised in Vegas what their parents are like because I always picture just absolute degeneracy going on out there. That's that's pretty accurate. I mean, more or less I would say, you know, like loose

mob ties are are pretty pretty normal. Yeah, that's kind of what your >> I had a lot of Uncle Tony's, a lot of Uncle Jimmy's, a lot of Uncle Joey's. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. And they're not really my uncles. >> Amazing. And your parents, your mom is >> uh My mom is like one of those Oregon

Trail white people where they don't even have they don't even know their European ties anymore, >> right? >> And my dad is a Vietnamese immigrant. >> Whoa. >> So, I'm one of those rare half Asians where my dad is the Asian one. >> Wow. Yeah, that's very rare. Very rare. It's amazing. I think I've covered this

recently on this show. Asian men all dream of having a white woman and it's uh almost impossible for them to accomplish that. And meanwhile, there's your dad who uh >> Imagine Jackie Chan hooking up with Gwennneth Poutro. >> Yeah, that's amazing. >> Thought you were Puerto Rican, though. Like >> we You did appear to be our third Puerto

Rican in a row. >> It's the necklace. It's just the necklace, which is the most Puerto Rican thing about you, by the way. >> What do you think is the most Vietnamese thing about you? Is there ever a thing that you do out there? You ever uh like kill an American soldier or anything

like that or, you know, anything wacky? >> I'm randomly really good at pedicures. >> Yeah. >> Okay. Yeah, that is definitely that counts 100%. That would be the most Vietnamese thing about you. Amazing. Do you have any other special skills or talents or hobbies? cuz you seem like the kind of guy that knows how to

freestyle rap. >> I can. But >> right. >> Uh I can guess uh someone's body count just by listening to them talk. >> Oh, really? Yeah. >> Oh, that's very interesting. If you had to guess uh Girons, what would you guess? >> How many How many have I had? >> Listen to that voice. Listen to that

Barry Whiteike voice. >> Yeah. Tell me my body count, [ __ ] You ain't guessing this [ __ ] [ __ ] correctly. >> I love how he's like calculating in his head, too. >> He is. He's got like the six. He's got six. >> He's He's tap He's tapping into like my

my balls. >> Uh 11. But you were in love with every single one of them. >> 11. Yeah. >> God damn, bro. You are >> Well, this is Hey, this is I I'm married. >> Yeah, you nailed it. Good job. 11. He nailed it. You're welcome. Incredible. I'm going to make sure Ron

doesn't say anything cuz uh >> Yeah, I'm I'm going to need a calculator comedy days. I bet you were ripping it, Ronald. >> No way. No way. >> Good clean Christian behavior. >> 4,000 to man. Really [ __ ] good. I really did enjoy it, man. I thought it was great. I I It's okay to be an [ __ ] if you

want to. Me if I want to, but I'm just not an [ __ ] So, I just want to say good job, man. >> Good point. Cheers, brother. >> I love that. We'll remember that later when someone terrible comes up here and uh the non [ __ ] Ron White's holding on for some dear life down there. I'm

not an [ __ ] but you [ __ ] suck. Uh Anthony, tell us one more crazy fun fact about your life before I get you out of here. I'm also a musician. >> What kind of musician? >> Uh, rock or rap? >> Really? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I mean, I got to hear you rap a little

bit. Michael, give me a beat. But that's not too loud, Michael. For the love of God. It's got to be >> 140. It's got to be E minor. >> Wow. 140 E minor. Holy [ __ ] He's calling for it. He's calling the play like a head coach of a college football team. 140 E minor. Corduroy Panther 26

Blitz Creek X-Wing Tie Fighter on Y. All right, here he goes. Nice and easy. I play the option. Put points on the board. Not watching the game. Don't matter who scored. Head in the clouds, hands in the kitchen. Don't know. Don't know what you missing. Glock 18 in the front seat. Hit kill Tony with the smoke

meat. Still time the caps in the fanny pack. 3D printed mag in a Gucci bag. I'm heating up. I feel like the earth. Come get your girl, she's dying of thirst. Don't you know I got a queen? Latin booty taste so mean. We don't mind a third. We don't mind a eight. We don't

mind a shower. Evening escapes. Hit the blunt, make a beat. Hit the blunt and take a seat. Hit the blunt and make a ski. Hit the blunt, make a beat. >> Wow, that's fantastic. >> Yeah, great stuff. >> Yeah, I love it. You did it here today. You did it, Anthony. >> Thank you, Chef.

>> Yes, Anthony. Very fun times. Great stuff. Perfect set, perfect interview. Here's a big joke, but come back. Welcome to Austin, Texas. Anthony Win, ladies and gentlemen. Half Vietnamese rapper. You don't see that very often, ladies and gentlemen. All right. You know, every week I watch people come up here and absolutely destroy their self-esteem.

Unfortunately, Morgan and Morgan cannot help with that. But if you're actually injured because of someone else's negligence, there's that's just a different story, right? Redban. >> Yes. Morgan and Morgan has been fighting for the people for more than 35 years. They've got more than a thousand lawyers, a 100 offices nationwide. They've recovered over 35 billion for

their clients. Amazing. So, if your car gets totaled, you get hurt at work, or someone else's bad decision becomes your very expensive problem, you should check out Morgan and Morgan. You can go to forthepeople.com/tonony to start your claim. Their fee is free unless they win. And again, hurt feelings do not count. So, it's a

no-brainer. Go to forthepeople.com/tonony and see if your claim is a winner. Your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Stephen Barry. We're having fun here tonight. Here comes Stephen Barry everybody.

How's it going everybody? Uh, anybody else going through a midlife crisis? Yeah, just me. Okay. Well, this is what it looks like. Um, wasn't sure at the time, but it kind of came out gay. I'm not going to be honest. Uh, these shoes, uh, the earrings, everything. I got to be careful about the clothes that I

choose. Uh I have two teenage daughters and a lot of people don't know that. They think I'm their same age. If they're in their 20s, I'm late 20s. If they're 30s, guess what? Late 30s. But if I'm 40 or if they're 40, I'm not 40 anymore. Down to 30 again. By the time

they're 50 and 60, I'm down to 20. Okay? It's crazy. I actually have two kids. Uh my youngest, we went to Six Flags last year and the two teenagers across from us looked at us and said, "Are y'all siblings?" My kid was in elementary school last year, so I took the compliment. Okay,

guys, don't get a whole lot of compliments. Next time you see one walking along, give him a compliment. There we go. I was waiting for that kitty. Well, I got to tell you, if you're looking for a compliment, >> let me take this one. >> Oh, Ron White. >> No, there's no right or way wrong way to

do stand up, but boy, that's about horrible. That was a horrible job. I did notice the the fingernails, the shoes, and all that matter. And it's okay to come out here and talk about uh who you are. So, that's that that's a good thing. But have some [ __ ] punchlines. >> Okay.

>> All right. Yeah, for sure, man. It's just not believable that you look like your kids. How old are your kids? Step up to that microphone right there. That that >> uh they're 13 and 15. >> And you think that you look like them? >> I got so in that bit. The math of that

bit. I had no idea. >> I said other people think that we look like siblings instead of me being their father. >> Huh. >> But what were the numbers thing where it was when they're 40 or 48? And then that's that I got lost in that. >> Yeah, I could do backwards math. What is

it? Half your age plus seven. Then you can date. I don't know. I didn't want to get into all the numbers. I'm over 40. >> Stephen, take that mic stand and put it on the red X over there. Take the whole thing. Put it over there. You're a little too close to us.

>> All right. Thanks. >> Yeah. You're welcome. >> Okay. So, Stephen, how long have you been attempting standup comedy? >> I've been trying to do comedy for a year last March. >> A year. What made you start now? Um, after you get fired about six or seven times, you start, you know, maybe a

career change. So, >> and you think the hardest thing to do in the world is the uh right way to do it. >> Well, I don't know. HR at a bank is not very easy. Uh, but this I feel more comfortable. >> Did you have the painted fingernails, the earrings and all that when you were

doing that? Are you trying to find yourself? >> No. When I was uh over the dress code and DEI, I did not dress like this. >> Yeah. Yeah. How >> how how far away do your kids make you park when you drop them off from school? >> They live across the street from school,

so they walk. >> Okay. >> Oh, wow. So, you're just sitting on the front porch with binoculars all day. >> Yeah. >> Do you let them wear your Jordans to school? Like, >> no, I drive for Uber during the day, but I drive for Uber when I'm around them, too. They just need me for rides, pretty

much. >> What's the craziest thing that's ever happened to you while driving Uber? Uh, I had to move a lady 103 miles to Vega, Texas. She got kicked out of her apartment and my Toyota Camry handled all of it, baby. We packed it all the way up. >> Okay. >> And then she uh diverted to Dallas and I

dropped her off at a bus stop, but I'm sure she's okay. >> What do you mean you diverted to Dallas? >> I don't know. She canled the ride and said, "Take me to Dallas." And so I said, "Okay." >> Huh. >> I do what I'm told. I worked in HR. A lot of women. Lot of women.

>> Wow. What are the other six jobs you got fired from? Anything good? >> I worked at the Federal Reserve for 10 years. >> What did you do there? >> Protected the money. >> Okay. >> No, I'm just kidding. They never got robbed. Uh, I was over HR and I did all the compensation, so bonuses,

all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Not funny. That's why I That's why I left. >> Now you're worried about not being funny all of a sudden >> in this economy. >> Okay. So, Stephen, give us a fun fact about your life that we might find interesting. >> Anything at all. You've seen this show

before. You see how the interviews work? >> All right. Good story. >> Anything at all. >> I was electrocuted when I was eight. Climbed a light pole in a stop sign. As soon as my feet left the ground, >> I could not let go. And then I dropped off and I had two holes burn in my hand

like somebody we might know. >> Wow. >> He does. >> But I made it. >> You do. Was that like a freaky Friday moment where you swap bodies with your kid? Like >> No, my mom knocked me off though. But when she knocked me off, it could have been a freaky Friday. But yeah, I just

had nightmares. I died for 6 months. No big deal, though. >> Okay. All right. >> Trauma for the win, right? >> How old are you again? >> 46. >> 46 years old. Steven Bear >> 13 going on 30. >> You're a year into the game. >> Who would play me in a movie? Now, I was

made in the 70s and I came out in the 80s. >> Okay. All right, Stephen. That's another swing and a miss there, Stephen. So, you're 46 years old. You have a lot of life experience to draw from here. Uh, any hobbies? Are you good at anything? You have any special skills? >> No. Call of Duty Mobile. I'm legendary.

Schnazberry. >> Let's not do video games. Something else. >> Yeah, video games are uh for for child uh for children. I'm calling that. >> I The question is, are you good at anything? >> Improv comedy. Okay. >> I didn't want to say that. I I hear get some booze sometime, but that's what I'm

best at. I'm learning standup. >> So, really, this is what you get. Improv. >> Oh, yeah. >> Let's start now, shall we? >> I perform. >> And let's go. >> Here's here's the setup. You ready for it? [ __ ] anything in the world that you want. >> No. Go. >> Give me a word. I need a word.

>> You need a word? >> Yes. >> All right. Let's do uh let's do red band. Come up with a word. Let's do a trombone. >> Oh, by the way, improv takes two people, so that's why I'm not doing it on the show, but you can do it with me. >> You know that you can just do it.

>> Okay. Well, let's try. >> Yeah, let's let's try this. Let's try this. >> One person improv. Never been done. Uh, trombone. Man, I'm glad you brought that trombone. I'm more of a trumpeter. >> Okay. All right. All right. This is Stephen. Let's try it one more time. You have >> I perform at retirement homes only.

>> Do you really? >> Yeah, I have three shows this weekend in Fort Worth. They I kill sometimes >> they >> I don't Okay, Stephen. >> No, no, I'm serious. I do have shows. >> You really perform at retirement homes. How do you get those gigs? >> Uh, we started performing to get stage

time. Oh, my troop. We're called FiveStar Review. >> Oh, you really do improv. >> Yeah, rev. >> I bet they carry a lot of the weight. If you could get to these old folks home people, I would let you in, but you're not old enough. But no, it's wonderful. They Okay, I got to get you out of here.

I love you. Stephen Barry, everybody, there's a little joke book. We're going to keep it moving along. There he goes. Steven Barry catches troop at a retirement community near you. I'm like, what are you good at? What do you do? [ __ ] anything. He's like, improv. Okay. All right. Your next bucket pool goes by

the name of Danny V. Everybody, clearly anything can happen here. Danny V. >> Thank you. Thank you. Uh, I pull my pants all the way down at the urinal. I don't have a big dick, but I have a nice ass. Uh uh this one's rough. Uh Charlie Kirk died. I wonder if he's pissed about

transitioning from alive to dead. Uh something I'm going through right now. Uh I have two roommates. Uh one's an elderly black lady. Another one is a deaf guy. And one of them the smoke detector needs to be changed. and I do not know who to go to about it.

So, uh, Chuck Norris died. RP to the goat. It's rumored that when they were trying to lower him down into the ground, they couldn't lower him any further. So, they pushed the earth up six feet. Uh, so all right, that's my time. >> Danny V, you were on last week, two weeks ago.

>> Two weeks ago. Yeah. >> Yeah. And this went better than that, didn't it? >> I think so. Yeah. Yeah, >> I think so, too. Yeah. >> You're incredibly lucky for getting two times uh two Mothership shows in a row. >> Uh, remind us how long you been on standup. >> Three years.

>> Where at? Uh, mostly in Austin, but I started out in Vegas. >> Wow. Another guy that started in Vegas. Incredible. And what do you do for work, Danny? >> Uh, Door Dash and Fiverr. >> Wow. Almost everybody's delivering things here today. Incredible. Uh, and what's changed in your life since you were on two weeks ago?

>> Uh, honestly, not not too much. I mean, I'm just like I got tickets to go to like a big rock concert that I'm excited for. >> What's the rock concert? >> Uh, Aftershock. It's not here in in Texas. It's in California. >> Okay. Yeah. Tell us about Aftershock. What do we What do you know about

Aftershock? >> So, there's like it's a four-day festival. There's going to be a [ __ ] ton of bands. Wuang Clan's going. >> Okay. Now, we're talking. So, it's the name of a festival. >> Yeah. >> Got it. Okay. Who other than Wuang Clan will be there? >> Um, let me I'm trying to think of people

you might know. Uh, >> what the [ __ ] that supposed to mean? >> Well, I don't know. There's some like uh some pretty niche bands. Like a band that I'm really excited to see is Baby Metal. >> Baby Metal. I'm a I'm a huge fan of Baby Metal. Yeah, absolutely. We know Baby

Metal very well, >> dude. They play a [ __ ] kick-ass show. It's so much fun. Three little Japanese girls. >> Uh-huh. Yeah, we know them. They cover System of a Down. Am I right? >> Yeah. See, you didn't think I [ __ ] knew about that. >> That's fun. You have a girlfriend, Danny

B? >> No. Uh, so last time I was on, I told you about I was in a situationship and then like that night pretty much just ended. >> Remind everybody what you said about the situationship. >> So like we're cool with each other. We like it was kind of like we were each

other's primary dating person and then like we would also [ __ ] other people on the side. >> Mhm. >> But like we would hang out, go do some [ __ ] and then also have sex. So then you did the show last time we taped one here and then what happened? Why did it end?

It seemed like everything was just fine. You guys were good old [ __ ] buddies. What What went wrong? >> Well, like the guy who was on was Jeff Harker. So like we talked and it just kind of made me feel like I was getting cucked and I didn't like that at all.

>> You talked >> with who? >> Jeff R Curry. The guy who was on >> on the show. >> Yeah. >> And you felt like you were getting cucked. Yeah. >> Describe why you were feeling that way. >> Well, like she's doing better or she was doing better than me with dudes. >> So,

>> yeah. Yeah. Women have a [ __ ] >> Y >> I don't know if you know this. >> Yeah. >> Women have a vagina that they can use that anytime they want. You look like a guy that [ __ ] was in an incubator filled with muscle milk and grew to a fullsize ripped toddler of

some kind. >> Half pint. >> I have a joke. If uh if I shave my beard, I look like a old baby. >> I just made that joke. That's incredible. I've never seen you do that joke. And somehow I completely agree with you. So, you uh have decided to end things with this girl um because Jeff R. Curry

made you feel like she was doing better than you? >> Well, like I mean I just like looked at the situation. I just I didn't I mean I It's the same thing with porn. Like I just feel like I'm getting cucked the whole time with porn. >> Explain what you mean by the porn cucked

thing. >> I mean I'm a dude watching a dude [ __ ] a girl. That's like the definition of cucking. Uh, I guess. >> I mean, not like in person, but in like a roundabout way. It's kind of cooking. >> So, let me ask you this. What type of porn are you watching now since I

>> I'm not watching any porn. >> Wow. >> Yeah. >> Are you masturbating at all? >> N. >> What are you doing with all that extra energy? >> Uh, trying to like refocus it into like better areas like uh working out, um, stand up. >> What type of workouts have you been doing?

>> Uh, weightlifting. >> What kind of What kind of weights? The pink ones were like you go. >> No, those are your weights. But uh >> Whoa. Whoa. I mean, not what? Not I'm not, but what are you? What? I'm rubber and you're glue. Stuck to you. You got me. >> I know you are, but what am I?

>> But like I don't know. Regular weights. >> Okay. Yeah. How much are we talking? You doing a lot of reps or you doing heavy weights, low reps? >> Uh, more like lots of weight or lots of reps, low weight. >> Okay, there you go. Let's go. The official sound of low weight, lots of

reps. That is a rubber ducky. Um, I love it. Okay, so I was right. There's a chance pink weights are flying around. Nope. >> Nope. >> Slightly above pink weights. >> I guess like yellow. >> You doing 15s? >> No. >> 20s? I like I mean what exercise are we talking about? >> I don't know. You tell me. I'm asking

you. What are you curling >> for curls? Like 25s. >> There you go. You think the sound of 25? >> More like curly fries. Am I right? >> All right. All right. Uh All right, Danny B. Well, you've gotten on twice in two mothership shows. You're extremely lucky. Have you ever gotten extremely lucky anywhere

else in life before I let you go? Um, see >> I could talk about a time I was very unlucky like maybe 2 years ago. It's pretty interesting. >> Okay, let's do it. >> So, when I first moved to Austin, I was living in my car >> and like uh one night three kids like

tried to break in and steal my car. >> When you say when you say kids, describe it a little better for us. Are we talking about 15, 20, 25? >> It was uh a 17year-old, a 15year-old, and a 13year-old. >> Wow. >> Tony wants to know what color they wore. Oh, I know what color they were.

>> Kind of like a >> kind of like >> like my old bass player over here. >> That's a color that D Madness sees. >> So, it was it was three young black men. >> Wow. >> Yeah. >> Hard to see at night. Were you in the fetal position in your back seat or you

were you a front seat sleeper? >> I was sleeping in the in the back seat. They like tapped on the window. I woke up like like crazy. I didn't know what was. >> Look at this big ass baby looking ass [ __ ] Let's rob this [ __ ] ass big ass baby

looking ass [ __ ] [ __ ] ass big ass baby. This baby looking ass [ __ ] Where's your wallet [ __ ] ass baby? You look at you. You bearded baby. [ __ ] ass [ __ ] Your pink ass weights under the passenger seat. Lying ass [ __ ] ass baby ass bearded baby ass

[ __ ] I'm about to rob the [ __ ] out of your [ __ ] ass baby ass. All right. Sorry, I got a little excited there. Why are you doing the lights, Kina? All right, we're having fun here. Just some straight up good old racism. My specialty. If you've listened to CNN,

you will know that is all that I do. All right. Um, so then what happened? >> So, I woke up. I thought it was like the security guard trying to get me out of there or something like that and then he pointed a Glock with like an extended mag. >> Oh wow. >> Yeah. So it it

>> I may have started new merch for you, my friend. Sounds like Sounds like you have a new t-shirt. >> Just put my face on. >> Follow me at [ __ ] ass baby ass bitchassmotherfucker.com for my tour date. Okay. So he pointed the gun at you. >> Yeah. And just like talking a bunch of

[ __ ] like, "Hey, open up the door now. I'm going to bust a cap in your ass." And then like >> That's a [ __ ] lie. We don't say that [ __ ] no more. >> Yeah. >> You talk about bust the cap. Like >> it was a cap gun. That's what he meant.

It was a cap gun cuz he's a little baby ass [ __ ] ass. I wouldn't even hurt this [ __ ] ass baby looking ass [ __ ] >> Man, where my electric gloves at? Let me see. If I was wearing that puppy ass vest, I would have felt more confident. >> Wow.

>> Puppy ass vest. >> Oh, okay. Yes. >> The vest would have done it. >> So, let me ask you this. When when you see the black men outside of your car, what's the first thing you do? You take the pacifier out of your mouth and then what? >> [ __ ] you, bro. No. Uh I mean, I started

I was like, "Dude, I live in this car. I cannot give you this car. Like, what do you need?" And then he was like, "I'll give you $500 if you let if you give us a ride somewhere." And I was like, "That is the dumbest [ __ ] I've ever heard. Like, that's not happening."

>> Really? >> Yeah. >> But you do Door Dash for a living. I mean, it seems like a pretty good deal. >> You're too tired to make 500 bucks. >> I would have loved that back when I was sleeping in my car. That's a [ __ ] That's like 50 hours of work or

something. >> Yeah. Uh, that's not that wouldn't have happened. I would have been standing there with my dick in my hand. But anyway, so uh >> cuz you jerk off when you're around young black men. >> Exactly. >> Look at this baby ass [ __ ] jerking off as [ __ ] Get some HAND OUT YOUR

PANTS, YOU [ __ ] ass baby. >> All right. Fun times. Congratulations. You got a big joke book last time you were on, right? >> I got a medium. >> Really? Well, guess what, pal? You've upgraded. You [ __ ] ass baby ass [ __ ] >> All right. We're having fun here

tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, how about one more time for the lovely Heidi, everybody? The modernday Vanna White of comedy. You know, as you look at Redban, you could tell as you get older, there are certain things you put off until you realize you shouldn't. For a lot of people, life insurance is one

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million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at ethos.com/killton. Application times may vary. Rates may vary. Trust pilot rating as of August 1st, 2026. Unbelievable. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I have a special treat for you. We have one of our elite regulars waiting right behind that curtain. He has the very, very tough job of having to write and

perform a brand new minute every single week. At one point, he was the dark storm of Atlanta. He's now the dark storm of Austin, Texas. Make some noise for the great Dick Flynn. Everybody hear you.

Guys, I I hate politics, but sometimes people ask me political questions. Like this dude came to me. He said, "Dric, are you more of a boobs or a butt man?" Right? And I don't like politics, but I had to answer the man and I said, "Brother, I don't care what the restaurant is

serving. I'm here to eat." Like, you know, LIKE I I'D PREFER THE COMBO MEAL. You know what I'm saying? IF I COULD GET BOTH boobs and butt, that's a great combo meal. But if the chef has 86 ass today, I'm fine with the titties. Like, you know what I'm saying? I'M FINE WITH IT'S

LIKE TOTS IN French fries, [ __ ] I don't care. Put it in my mouth. Like, you know what I'm saying? I'm not I'm not here for that. And that's why I hate politics. like it it reminds me of the great political discussion uh drums or flats when it comes to wings and I'll be

like brother um doesn't matter I'm bingual

WE'RE NOT HERE FOR THESE SIDE ITEMS WE'RE HERE FOR THE entree which is the vagina right I don't care if [ __ ] if I don't care if they have broccoli or not, [ __ ] bring me the steak. Thank y'all. Dedric Flynn with a brand new Minute 30. Always doing more than he has to.

Amazing stuff. So fun. Um, that is the correct answer. >> Yeah, I appreciate you, Tony, for saying that. Can I say that that [ __ ] was absolutely lying about getting robbed by three black kids? >> Yeah, >> this this [ __ ] is clear. First of all, I don't I've never seen three black kids

in Austin. >> Yeah. >> Like, you know what I'm saying? So, that [ __ ] is clearly lying. >> That nigga's a liar. And I just I can't stand. You know, I love facts. >> Yeah. >> And I just That nigga's lying. And also, three black kids don't need a gun to rob

that [ __ ] Like, you said I'm sure some harsh words would get that [ __ ] out of the car. >> Yeah. You are absolutely correct. That is an amazing fun fact. I think I've seen every possible type of group of Dmadness is going to rob him right now. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [ __ ] him up.

>> Hey, WHERE'D YOU GO? YOU [ __ ] ASS BABY LOOKING ASS [ __ ] >> HEY, come to me, [ __ ] I'M GOING TO [ __ ] STEAL YOUR [ __ ] >> HE'S SAYING PROPAG THAT [ __ ] watched one movie and was like, I know how to get robbed by three black people. I

swear to God if I find YOUR ASS, I'M TAKING EVERYTHING. [ __ ] ass baby looking ass. All right. Um, you are correct. I have never seen three young black men in the city of Austin at the same time. >> No. >> And that is why I call it home. >> That is why I bought property here,

ladies and gentlemen. started ovulating when he ain't seen no [ __ ] >> The hell is that supposed to mean? >> I'm sorry. >> I want to say RIP hating Panitary. >> Yeah, that's >> Am I I don't I don't know who this person is, but >> [ __ ] you ain't watch ME REMEMBER THE

TITANS. THAT'S WHY YOU GREW UP racist because

Is that what it is? >> Oh man. >> I'm going to watch it when I get home. >> Strong side. Explain Remember the Titans to me so that I can uh so that I can know what I've been missing. So basically uh God made this movie that uh so he could bring black and white people

together in the south, right? And and so cuz God made that movie. So if you watch that movie and you still racist, God is telling you you going to hell, right? Because between the two white all white school and the black coat's in there. You'll love that. Uh, >> oh, now now I'm interested.

>> And Hayden Ver is like the the daughter of the white coach and he's and they're bond everybody gets they go through trials and tribulations but at the end of the day it's about football and that's what bring and so that's why like the SEC we win football all the time >> because you know that movie brought us

together cuz if you go to the Pacific Northwest their sports movies are different. They have like Airbud and that's a movie about a golden retriever scoring a triple double on white [ __ ] and she

>> Ron White do you have anything to you know remember the Titans was the coach in that I mean, >> no, he was the one that got fired cuz he couldn't accept >> I AIN'T PLAYING FOR NO PUNK FOOD.

>> Oh [ __ ] These guys are going to rob Danny V after this. They're really making friends over here. >> [ __ ] ain't got nothing I want. That's right. >> He 5'4, you know. That's my girl height. >> I love it. I love it, man. That is hilarious. I got to watch Remember the

Titans? I've heard of it a bunch. >> You guys do, don't you? >> I watched this one uh black uh >> I watched this one. >> What do you Why do you Why do you have to say here he goes? I'm being dead serious. >> I'm sorry. I was high and I spoke out

from my heart, but I meant to stop it. I watch this one football movie with uh black people. It's called uh the NFL. Um >> and it plays every Sunday. Every Sunday I play it at my house. >> God, I love the NFL. I love black people. >> Uh I love I love white. They got a lot

They got a lot more white DBs in the league right now. right now cuz it's season the string and fifth string because remember they're [ __ ] get to watch the whites play for a couple weeks everybody >> and they're and they're doing they're doing >> remember the whitens that's what I call

this that's what I call this little couple weeks >> cuz we will be forgetting about them when the main season STARTS

>> oh my god So much fun. Dedric, you absolutely like this place. >> I love y'all so much. >> He is the man. Kept him on tour. Catch him with Kil Tony, Dallas, Houston, Vegas, and New Year's Eve at the Moody Center. A lot of fun upcoming road gigs coming up to close out the year. Moody

Center for the second year in a row. The biggest arena in Austin, Texas, while simultaneously doing every week here at the Mothership. Uh, all right. Back to the bucket we go, everybody. You know how this goes. Anything can happen. Make some noise for a minute uninterrupted for the comedy seller or setter, perhaps. Or set. The

comedy setter. What's going on? My name is Steve Francois. I'm a suburb negro. My black friends, they don't like it. They be real judgmental. They be like, "Yo, bro, I don't know how you cool with white people. Yo, I don't like the way white people treat us. I feel like white people treat us like

dogs." And I'm like, "Have you seen the way white people treat dogs?" Oh, man. You How GOOD IS YOUR LIFE? HOW GOOD IS your existence? You're not trying to be treated like a white dog. Yo, white people treat the dog better than they treat their family. You ever see this [ __ ] They'll send

their parents off to a home and then adopt a three-legged rescue. Name the dog Tripod. >> [ __ ] yeah, man. Welcome. Welcome. Holy [ __ ] >> So, comedy seller seller of comedy. >> I love it. I love it. the comedy seller. Absolutely. And you said your name is Mr. Francois. >> We

>> Wow. Oh my goodness. He speaks French. Absolutely incredible. >> I'm Haitian, so you know the French colonized us. You know how that go. >> Oh my god. >> I mean, they probably don't know. You guys don't know history. Well, so I guess >> Wow. >> I know we do. >> We do.

>> I appreciate you. All right. >> You big dog. >> So, you are a suburban friend. You said >> suburb negro. >> Okay. I'm going to call you friend. Uh, I'm gonna stick it out with friend here for the sake of our >> work. Um, so, uh, I love it, man. You are [ __ ] fantastic. How long you been

doing standup, >> bro? I've been doing it for like a decade plus. >> I believe it. I believe it. That's exactly how it seems. You [ __ ] flew off the map today. >> He's He's He's like a mix of all the kings of comedy into one. Like, >> I love it, man.

>> I appreciate that, G. Thank you, G. You are fantastic. So, where where where did you start? What part of Atlanta did you start? >> Hysterical. >> I'm I'm actually from I'm from Dirty Jersey originally. >> Really? >> Absolutely. I grew up in North Jersey. >> Okay. >> So, that means I was raised Italian

America. You already know. >> Okay. Hell yeah. I have a lot of friends from North Jersey. >> Bergen County, son. Okay. >> Number one property tax in the nation. G, what you know about my education? >> [ __ ] Oh my god. Wow. >> It's like elegant but hood. You get me? Like

>> absolutely. >> I like it. I like it. >> Thank you, team Murder. I appreciate it. >> Oh, T murder. Oh, team murder. Oh my god. My man, let's get it, baby. Come on, son. >> Oh my god. D Madness, you're lucky you came back. I was about to make him the new full-time bass player.

>> This guy is cool as [ __ ] >> Thank you. I appreciate you, dude. >> Can I ask how old you are, Mr. France? >> Uh, I'm going to be 41 this year. >> Oh my goodness. Wow. Absolutely incredible. You look fantastic. So, what you been doing your whole life? >> Uh,

my family's from Haiti, so I've been extra Haitian. Real. >> Okay. What kind of dogs and cats you've been eating? >> Uh, see, bro, we don't even do that. We What actually happened? Let me tell you what happened. >> Let me tell you what happened. They were actually hunting like geese and [ __ ]

from the park. So, that's that's not terrible, dog. Think about Chinese people take cats. Why can't we get geese? It'll be all right. >> All right. Okay. >> We not selling it. >> How do you How do you prep a geese? How do you cook a geese? >> I don't I don't I don't cook that [ __ ]

>> I thought about it for a second. I was like, >> "No, bro. I don't cook that [ __ ] I eat like plantains, chicken breast, and [ __ ] like that." >> Okay. >> I try to eat good. >> Yeah, me too. I love plantains. >> It's a fried banana. >> You said plantains, not plantations.

>> Oh. Oh, okay. That's a I was about to ask if you wanted to come work on my plantain for me. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm >> listen. I don't mind being inside. >> I love it. I love it. I love it. You're killing it. What does that mean exactly? >> He's already got the suit on is what

he's saying. >> You'll be shaving your neck in no time. >> Oh, my django. You already know, bro. I love it. So, what have you been doing for a living? You started standup at about 30 years old or so. And uh >> Yeah, I was doing theater before that. I was in New York doing theater like that

off Broadway. >> Amazing. Amazing. Like Hamilton or something like that? >> Nah, bro. Like real like bar shows type [ __ ] You get me? >> Okay. No, I don't get it. But >> yeah, you don't get it. >> I want to understand, but I don't. >> Like a real off off Broadway.

>> He's doing Magic Johnson Theater. >> YEAH. OH, YOU GUYS are all out of control. >> What do you mean you guys? >> Not you. Not you. Not you, my friend. You sit. You stay. Sit. Stay. >> It's a call back to the adopt a dog thing. >> That's what I'm saying. Treat me with

love. Like >> that without showing his set or else that looks really bad. >> For sure. For sure. But I mean, if you hire me, it won't be bad cuz I [ __ ] with you. >> What would you do? How what can I possibly hire you for? Cuz I I'm honestly I'm interested. I'm not going

to do it, but I'm interested. I mean, I ain't going to hold you, bro. I saw your special. You need a stylist, G. I ain't going to hold you. >> I do. I do. It is true. I ain't going to hold you, G. This is actually the exact same shirt. I don't change things up.

>> I was like I'm like, "Yo, why they always calling him gay?" I'm like, "You don't dress well enough to be gay." You >> That is true. That is true. I I completely >> G. Let's keep it a [ __ ] >> I went for comfort on that one. >> Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

>> I love it. And I tell jokes, too. >> Mr. Franuat, tell me, how would you dress me? cuz I'm taking notes here. >> Oh, >> white jacket, khaki pants, white t-shirt. >> I mean, nah, no n >> kind of a Simpsons hair dude. Is that >> So, >> he called me black side. So, Bob, that's

wild, dude. >> No, he meant the OJ Simpson. >> Oh, okay. >> Oh my god, we are having fun in here tonight, Mr. Francois. >> Yeah, you actually know a few of my boys. I was trying to get on like, yo, you know Ryan, right? Ryan, >> it's good for me. Tell the people that I

have black friends. >> Tell the world about my black friends, Mr. Franc. >> I'm talking about a white Canadian. >> Oh, [ __ ] Uh, >> those are my favorites. >> But check it out. No. No. An immigrant. An immigrant. An immigrant. >> Yeah. >> Ryan Long. >> Yes. >> Yeah. That's my homie. I gave him his

first job in America when he came from Canada. >> Okay. What was that first job? I can't. >> IT WAS A COMEDY JOB, [ __ ] Something like Mr. FRANCE. LIKE, I'M SAYING HOME CONTEXT. OH MY GOD. HERE'S my wallet. Take it. All right. >> If you offer it, >> I'm not saying no.

>> I love it, man. So, tell me more about your life. You are so fun. You're Believe it or there was a guy up here that said he did improv earlier. Didn't say a funny thing the whole [ __ ] time. I'm looking at you. You are a master of the craft. Naturally funny.

>> I did doortodoor sales for 5 years, G. >> Oh, let's go. >> With crackheads. >> Uh-huh. >> Retired baseball players. >> Okay. >> And an African dude that knows the entire dictionary. Wow. And that's all just you, those three people. That's amazing. Tell us about the movie you were knocking on. >> Well played.

>> What were you selling door to door? >> Yo, I'm Haitian, brother. Different culture, dog. >> Haitians change their smoke detectors. Red baby. You have to study the different shades of black. >> We going to have to upgrade your racism, G. Come on. >> That's right. Do better. >> That's right. >> I would have preferred more like African

sounds. That would have been more relatable. >> Yeah. >> That's the Haitian sound we came up with. >> Uh when I was doing door to door, I was doing uh cable. >> Mhm. >> I did Fio. FiOS was big money, G. I was making a buck 20und thou 20,000 a year selling [ __ ] door to door, bro.

>> Selling door to door. What? >> Files. Verizon files, bro. >> Wow. That's like internet, >> literally. >> Okay. >> Fiber optics, G. >> Okay. I didn't even know about that. I just have that. I just only I don't even do that. >> See, that's why I'm educating you, player. >> Wow. I don't think I need to know about

it. It just exists. I'm just already logged on to my Wi-Fi and never think about it again. But here you are to teach me what's going on. >> I got you, G. >> I love it. You're my new best friend. >> So, yo, can we hug? Yo, can we hug? >> No, no, no, no. Let's hug.

>> So, you you lying, dog. >> You're the one getting gay on me now. Come on. >> Don't pull the old switcheroo, >> bro. I'm I'm happy, G. >> No, I love Yo, how many times I've been here, G? >> How many times have you signed up? >> 45, dog. I've come when you're away and

you get G. I'm all I come here. I walk up the stairs. I'm like, why aren't you telling me? He's like, I like the way you was walking up the stairs. I thought you knew where was going. So, I've been here so many times. Even when you're not here, I just show up every single

Monday. >> Wow. I love it, man. Look at you making the most of the moment, >> bro. >> Making the most of the opportunity. >> I moved here for Kill Tony and taxes. >> I love it, bro. Me too. >> That's what I'm saying. T Murder, what's up? >> God damn it. >> When do I start?

>> When you start. You're already starting. You're [ __ ] stealing the show tonight. >> Oh, listen. What's up? Where my ticket at, G? >> Wa wa wa wa >> wa. >> A closed MOUTH DON'T GET FAT. >> WA. This reminds me of the movie Remember the Titans. Mr. France, you are a wild man. Give us

one more fun fact about you before I get you out of here. >> I can probably dominate 95% of these people in this room with when it comes to pull-ups. Can nobody see me? >> Really? >> Oh god. >> You're a pull-up master? I train with dudes that went to prison. On God, let's

get it. >> I totally believe that. Uh, this is Joe Rogan's comedy club, so I think we have a pull-up bar right behind the >> That's probably true. Join. >> Wow. >> And I I speak two and a half languages. >> Okay. What are the two and a half languages? One is English.

>> One is English. >> You already know. It's the start of Miss, but it's it's a little too >> Miss Elliot song. >> Okay. What did you just say, by the way? >> Uh, what's that mean? >> That means I'M

>> Red B from three point. >> Still got it, Red B. I was worried about you this episode. >> I was good. >> That was good. Okay. What's the We got English, we got Haitian. I want to know what the half language >> French. >> Oh, wow. What did you just say there?

>> I speak French a little bit. >> Oh, okay. >> I said, >> how did no Spanish at all? >> A little bit, but not I know Dominican Spanish. Like, >> oh [ __ ] my horn players are laughing. Two out of three horn players approve. >> You feel me? >> Oh [ __ ] How does How does a Dominican

dog How does a Dominican dog bark? Dick at roof roof. >> Wow. Do you play any musical instruments or anything? >> Nah, my shorty do. She played the >> Okay. She the music. >> How long you been with your shorty? >> About a year and a half. >> Where'd you meet her at?

>> Uh I met her in New York at my bar show. >> Okay. >> And she came up to you. She was a fan. >> Uh she was a little bit of a fan. I actually had to come up to her cuz you're not really like the type of shorty to like go after though. So, I

appreciated that. >> How much material do you think you have that you've uh written and ready to go? Like the longest set you could do. >> Hour 20. >> Hour 20. >> Let's see it. >> Wow. Don't tell me what a good time. >> Incredible. Incredible. So this uh shouty, what does she do for work?

>> Uh she hold me down. >> She's responsible for you. She's she's >> No, no, no, no. She like she does music. That's what she does. >> Okay. What is she What exactly does she do with music? >> She plays the piano, she sings, and she teaches it, too. >> Wow. She's like real talented.

>> Wow. Look at that. There she is right there, everybody.

Wow. Mr. Francois, do you have any special moves in the bedroom? Do you have any uh advice? There's a lot of uh my fans, a lot of them are virgins and whatnot. Do you have any advice on uh how to uh please a woman in the bedroom? Cuz I'm positive that you know how to do

magical things. I mean, you have literally you have 12 dildos attached to your head right now. >> It is incredible. You have many things that could please a woman. I mean, I don't think it's necessarily in the bedroom. I think like when you're approaching a shorty, be real like intentional. You get me? Cuz too many

dudes want her. So, if you don't really want her, don't go after her. >> I love that. Give us an example. When you're approaching a woman, what do you say to her? When you like a shy, >> when I really when I [ __ ] with you like that, I'm like, "Yo, listen. I don't

know who you are, but I need to get to know you." >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Oh, God. >> My [ __ ] just got wet. That is incredible. Absolutely amazing. >> You want me to give you one? Listen, >> I'll give you one. >> All right. >> You walk up to the hottest girl in the

place and you go, "Listen, I know that uh you get hit on all the time because you're such a beautiful woman, but I want you to know that unlike the other guys at the bar here tonight, uh I'm telling you the God's honest truth when I say I almost wore that exact same

outfit. See, >> and the [ __ ] just falls all over. >> I get it. But like like they know you got money cuz they let you talk for real long. You get what I'm saying? Shorty shorty is not really buying all that. You know what I'm saying? It's like let me listen to what old white money got to

say. You feel me? >> I got a shorter version of it. >> I got >> Mr. Francois, you are hilarious. What's your full name again? You said it in the beginning. >> Steve Francois. >> Steve Francois. Is that your real name? >> Yeah. My parents couldn't give me a trust fund, so they gave me a trust

name. You get me? I'm a black dude named Steve. It's a blessing, brother. Wow. Steve Francois, you are absolutely [ __ ] incredible. We spend so much time pulling names out of this goddamn bucket. And the fact that the fact that you signed up so many times and really really want this and

you know it seems like you really work for it and 10 years in the game and you moved to Austin full-time. How long ago did you move here? >> Over a year ago. >> Over a year ago. >> March last year. >> And you sign up every Monday. >> Every single Monday. >> You're trying your best. You're doing it

all. You're doing spots all around town. >> I do spots all around town but it's like I'm not I haven't been on here. So the disrespect is wild. You feel me? So >> say that again. talking microphone. >> I said I'm not from here. So it's like I'm not on Kill never been on. So the

disrespect is wild. It's like I can't just be funny. You get me? Got to have a name. Got to have this. Got to that. I'm like, dude, I just come to work. >> Right. Well, you have one now, Mr. Francois. And uh an amazing an amazing appearance on this show. A fant you're

exactly the type of thing that we love about this show. you know, all different ages, shapes, sizes, hairds, jackets, the whole thing. So, congratulations. Here's a golden ticket. >> Steven, a 16minute long interview. An unbelievable minute. Steven Branswell, ladies and gentlemen, following that the comedy seller. Dreams are coming true. The crowd goes wild.

He's shaking everybody's hand. These racist people are mad. They're leaving. >> It's it's it's remember the Titans, too. Yeah. Wow, what a performance from the comedy seller, Mr. Steven Francois. Clearly, anything can happen here tonight. That guy did more jokes than the other seven bucket pulls put together. Just six bucket pools put together. And back

to the bucket we go. Make some noise for Brent Reed, everybody. Here we go.

Well, if you like that last guy, this is going to be different. IT'S

I'm half gay on my sister's side. My sister's gay. She's uh she's full-blown. She builds coffee tables and [ __ ] You'd love her. She's uh we're Irish twins. That of course means I'm an alcoholic. She's a potato. And and growing up she was always the favorite. You know, nicer, smarter, better in school, but I'm her little

brother. We grew up in a 1200 person town in Alabama. So when she came out gay, I was like, "Oops, guess who's the new favorite?" Finally, my time to shine. Now it's just something my dad uses against me. He's like, "Son, why can't you just go out there and get you some [ __ ] like your sister?"

>> Britney's got a wife and kid. You got two male roommates and somehow that's gayer. And it is. All right. Thank you guys. Fantastic. The very funny Brent Reed. We know Brent. Very funny man. Works here at the mothership. You're on the clock right now, huh? >> Yeah. I'm uh I'm the second newest door

guy. We just hired a new guy today, but I was the newest till today. >> I love it. I love it. Congratulations. >> Yeah. Thank you so much. >> Part of the elite comedians that work here at the Mothership, following in the uh footsteps of the world famous comedy store. This place only hires comedians

as door guys. So, they get to be around it, get to see it, get to see how professional comedians work and interact and every single facet of the game. Just like I was a door guy, Giron was a door guy at the comedy store. So, >> happy to be here. >> Yeah, it's fun. How's life been going,

Brent? >> It's been going all right. I'm um I tried to quit my job at the escape room, but I >> You really work at an escape room? >> Yeah. I can't figure out how to leave. >> Can I tell Oh, that's funny. You son of a [ __ ] You got me. You don't work at

an escape room. You really do. >> Yeah. Four dreams escape room. E Caesar Chavez. I'm gonna be there about probably two more weeks. >> Wow. >> At the rate it's going. I I'm scaring the [ __ ] I'm gonna get fired for scaring the [ __ ] out of kids. I think I a kid

asked me recently, "What happens if we don't escape?" And I said, "You have to work here." I've been HERE SINCE 2018. PLEASE HELP. HILARIOUS. HILARIOUS. >> Help me. >> Wow. Tell us more about your life, Brent Reed. >> I'm going through a breakup and I'm I have major depressive disorder. >> Yeah. Tell us more about that.

>> Going through a breakup when you have depression is tough. It, you know, feels like getting a cold when you have AIDS a little bit. >> You know, it's like I've had one of these before, but this one's going to kill me. I'm dead. Amazing. >> Brent, tell us about your life. Where

are you originally from? >> I'm from a small town in Alabama called Kado. I can't remember the word for it, but it's not recognized by the government as a town. It's in between two towns. Un not undocumented. There's a word for it. >> Wow. Wow. But uh 1,200 people. Uh yeah. Middle of [ __ ] nowhere. Between Decar

and Molton, Alabama. And then I moved to Huntsville to do comedy. >> Damn. >> I did radio in Florence for like six years. >> And you started at Standup Live in Huntsville? Yeah, that was Yeah, that was where I got my first hosting gigs and stuff, but I started at biker bars in Sheffield, Alabama. Wow. Yeah, that's

>> Yeah, I got threatened with death a lot. >> Yeah, he was a cat named Rooster. He had a mohawk. He was in a biker gang. >> Wow. Incredible. Kattow, Alabama. >> Yeah, cat. C A D O. Kat. >> Wow. That sounds like the type of place I would make sure I did not run out of

gas. >> You would hate it. You would hate it so much. >> That's incredible. It's like 45 minutes outside of Huntsville. >> Looks like you're going to be the the biggest star out of there, though, right? >> Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Nobody's close. >> Yeah. >> God bless him. I love him. >> How long have you uh suffered from

depression? Maybe there's someone out there listening that >> I think. Well, I'm in I'm in therapy now. They got I got therapy through I don't know if I should talk I guess I can talk about this. I got therapy through the mothership. They have a program that helps us with mental health stuff. So, it's helped me out a lot.

>> Amazing stuff. >> Yeah. Shout out to my therapist, Ray. I love you, baby. Hell yeah. Shout outs to Ray Ray. >> I love it. I imagine Ray Ray is a lot like Mr. Francois. >> Yeah, he's the same. That's him actually. >> Let me get >> He uses a stage name cuz he's a

therapist. You can't, you know. >> Let me give you a hug. >> Let me kiss you on your forehead. >> Tell us more about this lesbian sister of yours. >> Oh, she's Yeah, she's real gay. Um, she's uh she lives with her wife. She has a kid. It was science, not a miracle. And uh

>> Wow. And my nephew, I have a three-year-old nephew. His name's Tucker. He's autistic and I love him. Love superheroes. You asked me if uh there's any autistic superheroes. I was like, I think all of them. I think anybody that wears a cape qualifies. >> Yeah. No doubt. Anybody that wears their underwear over their pants.

>> That's right. >> Definitely autistic. No question about it. Uh, wow, Brent, you're so funny. Um, what's something that uh you've learned about handling? I guess I didn't finish my original question. What's something about um uh being depressed and handling it and getting through it that maybe you could say right now that could be a good

piece of advice for somebody that's listening uh that might be depressed as [ __ ] I think talking about it, treating it like you're sick is good. You know, I talked to my parents about it 2019. I I went to the top of a parking deck and was going to jump off and I got fired from radio, you see. And

>> Wow. >> There I was. >> What level of the parking deck were you? >> Uh the top one. And >> is it level four? >> My dad called actually. Funny you mentioned that. My dad called me like as I was staring off. I was up there a long time. >> Thank god for Verizon files. Am I right?

>> I just learned about this. >> And uh I told him where I was and he always says the perfect thing and the perfect time. And he was like, "You talking about that parking deck on the campus, University of North Alabama?" I was like, "Yes, sir. That's the one." He goes, "That thing ain't high enough to

kill you. That hurt like hell. YOU JUST BEEN PARALYZED AND SAD." I tell you what, me and your mama are going to be sad if we have to wipe your ass again.

>> Stop. I'm going to cry. Absolutely incredible. Brent Reed, uh, you are fantastic. How long you been in standup again? >> Seven years. >> Seven years. How much of it in Austin? >> Uh, the three and a half. >> Three and a half years, I think. Yeah, I moved here and then I opened for Brian

Simpson in Huntsville. And then I moved here two weeks later. The mothership opened. I bought a ticket to Bottom of the Barrel, Brian's improvised comedy show on Tuesdays. He saw me in the crowd. He was like, he was like, "Where do I know you from?" in the mic. And I was like, "Oh, open for you in

Huntsville." He goes, "Oh [ __ ] you left that girl." And he like remembered [ __ ] I told him. He was like, "You want to stay and do the Late Show?" So I stayed and did the Late Show. Eat saw me and I, you know, it was like a year process, but I eventually got passed. And

>> Wow. Absolutely incredible. How recent was this breakup? >> Uh, that one I left I'm kind of a serial monogamous. That one was when I left Alabama three and a half years ago, but I'm going through a new one that's like two weeks old. >> Two weeks old. How did it end? What went

wrong? She broke up with you. Yeah, she broke up with me a couple times and then we got back together kind of like we weren't dating and she was talking to other dudes with boats and uh >> Oh no. You know what that means? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> It just kind of had to get out of there.

>> Wow. >> Yeah. It's tough. I'm sad. >> Yep. >> Cool tent. >> He probably owns a horse as well. Red B is >> just kidding. >> Well, let me say uh something. I'm I'm I'm going on vacation tomorrow and I'm going to be gone for 3 weeks and I'm going to come back and do some sets cuz

I want to start touring again in September and I want you to do one of those sets for me here. >> Oh, [ __ ] you.

>> I'm just [ __ ] with you,

>> dude. By the way, my dad doesn't believe in me. He's going to be tickled pink that I'm talking to you right now on stage. He's going to be he's going to [ __ ] blood. Oh no, you made a mess. >> It's okay. >> You want me to clean it up? I'll do

whatever you want, >> my friend. Uh Brent, I'm telling you, you crushed it here tonight and you are a part of absolute history because this is the first time ever in which we've had back-to-back Golden Ticket winners. Congratulations.

Congratulations, Brent. Hell yeah. Leave your avails. We'll get you another minute up here on this show sometime soon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How about a hand for the lovely Heidi? Everybody keeping everybody well hydrated here tonight. Fantastic. This show's flying. Can there be three in a row? Do you believe in miracles? >> I feel bad for the next guy.

>> Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the bucket pool named Darnell Graves. Everybody down. >> What's up? I'm here y'all. I'm trying to be happy. I just want to be happy like little Mexican kids at Ross.

I'm trying to be happy like white people checking their credit. We know y'all not paying back all those loans. I'm trying to be happy like Muslim store owners own owners who come to America, open gas stations, and sell cigarettes, alcohol, and pork skins. Inshallah. But I got a lot of questions though. One

of the big questions I have is how is it that Uber, Lift, and Chinese massage parlors are legal, but prostitution is illegal? I mean, a ride is a ride is a ride, right? Thank y'all. I'm Donell Graves. >> Donell Graves. 53 seconds of Donell Graves. Welcome. Welcome. How are you? >> I'm doing great, man. Thank you so much.

>> How long you been doing standup comedy? >> I've been I started in 99, 27 years ago, but it was broken up because I was in the military traveling all over the world. >> Okay. What' you do in the military? >> I was a K-9 handler uh in the Marine Corps. It's a lot of lot of dog owners out

there. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> They love >> We used to look for bombs and stuff. Af Iraq, Afghanistan, uh Washington DC, all over the place. >> You catch some bombs? >> Yes. I didn't catch them, but I found some. >> Hell yeah. >> And I've seen some people who found some, too. >> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Unfortunately, >> he used to be a white guy. Wow. >> My credit is >> So, how long were you in the military, Donna? >> Total I did 25 years in the military. >> Wow. That's incredible. I love it. And so, you started standup, then went into the military, and now you're back.

>> Yeah. I used to be um before I joined the military, I worked as a strip club DJ, and then I was like, I want a respectable job. I want to be around good people. I joined the military. It was the same people. >> Hell yeah. >> Can we hear your uh strip club DJ

introduction? >> Absolutely. >> Yeah. >> Tonight, GET READY FOR THE WORLD FAMOUS RUMP SHAKER CONTEST GOING on right here at Gil Tony. >> Blind crippler crazy 18 to 80. We don't care if you got one leg. Hop up on that good foot. >> Damn right. Absolutely. Very good. Damn. A ass was rump when you were

DJing. That's crazy. That was 85. You was out there. >> Uh, no. I started I started DJing um strip clubs in 90 92. >> Okay. So, there was still some bush hanging out. >> Uh, well, you know, I I didn't see nothing new during that time. It was all covered up. They had some crazy laws. I

started in Louisiana and um Oh, >> okay. >> Louisiana up in here. >> Hell yeah. >> Yeah. And I started there and it was crazy cuz they had laws. You had to cover up the the breastices and all that stuff. >> Oh no. We hate it when the breastes are covered. >> That is There must be six of them at

once for it to be breastes. >> Yeah. >> Six breasted Louisiana inbred women. That's what it sounds like we were missing out on. >> If you guys love six breasts, get ready. Here comes [ __ ] uh hexatit. >> Wow. Breastes. Absolutely incredible. Um, wow. Okay, so what's the craziest thing you ever saw at the strip club?

>> Craziest thing I ever saw at the strip club was this woman. She They had this big old pole and she went way up the pole and she was twirling and she looked really good, but her hair was down on the bottom. >> Oh no, the weave. >> Yeah, it all just had its own life.

>> Wow. Oh man, >> it was wild, man. I feel bad for her. >> Damn. So the laws of Louisiana, breast is covered, vaginas is covered. >> Yeah, everything was covered. >> So was it really a strip club? >> It was they called it bikini bars when I first started cuz I I DJed in Louisiana,

North Carolina, South Carolina, Texas, California, and in Japan. >> Whoa. What's a Japanese strip club like? I'm asking for Redband. Well, we were outside the Marine Corps base in um Okinawa, >> Japan. And it was um it was >> the home of Htorii Hanso. >> I don't know them. >> Well, he makes the best swords. It's

from Kill Bill. >> Oh, okay. Well, >> yeah, that was his house. Uh >> we we didn't start watching till Jango. Like >> So, Donnell, what do you do for work now? >> I don't do anything. Um, no. And >> you retired from the military, right? >> I retired from the military and then I

went back and worked as a civilian contractor and I made a lot of money and um, I came back and now I just rent [ __ ] >> You rent it? >> No, I'm just playing. >> You say rent? >> I'm just playing. >> What does that even mean? >> That means you lease it. Um, but for the

laws, you know, I don't want to say too much cuz I don't want, you know, it's a good, clean, wholesome family show. You should have met Mr. Francois. >> It's like rent a bone. >> No, no bones involved. It's uh >> Jesus. >> You don't do bones. >> So, Donnell, you don't have a steady

lady right now. >> No. No. I had one um a year ago and I just kind of uh Sorry. Um I just left. I just was like, "Yeah, I just left." What was it about her that you just had to get away from it? What was that? It was just, >> you know, I spent so much time being

within confined within rules of the military and then working as a civilian for the US government and I just get tired of rules and confinement. I said, you know what? Only way to free my mind is to free my ass and get up out of here. >> Hell yeah. >> I just wasn't ready for a relationship.

I just want to crack jokes and have fun. I want to be happy. That's it. >> That makes sense. Well, here you are. You're doing it. Don Don Elgra, congratulations. Here's a big joke book, my friend. Here you go, Don El Grace. Everybody, all right, on to the next one we go. >> Make some noise for your next bucket

pole. We're coming around the corner here on it. Make some noise for Tyler Sullivan. Everybody,

>> so I recently got some good green through a gay dude, but I'm never going through him again cuz he pinched my sack. That and he took weed from my bag.

I made a chick squirt. Yeah, it was driving me crazy. So, I popped this big ass pimple on her back.

Next time, I'll be sure to wear safety goggles. I met a half black, half Jewish person. >> It's the only time I ever seen a fubu yamaka.

>> Hell yeah. Tyler Sullivan, good set. Welcome. Welcome. Hell yeah. Look at you. Wow. You must be from Katau, Alabama, huh? Where are you from? >> Cleveland, Ohio. Whoa. Cleveland, Ohio. That's near us. Look at that. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Very good. Okay. So, Cleveland, Ohio. Huh. How long you been in Austin? You live here now?

>> No. No. I'm leaving tomorrow. >> Okay. You're just visiting. How long have you been here? >> Uh, 3 days. >> What have you uh learned about Austin in the three days that you've been here? >> Heat. >> Yes. It is [ __ ] unbelievably scorching nowadays. How do you handle the heat? You look like you just let it

happen and just stay dehydrated. Am I correct? Have you had a bottle of water since you landed? >> Yeah. >> Okay. All right. Good. Good. I'm a little concerned about you here. >> Okay. >> Little concerned. Um, so Tyler, what do you do for work? >> Uh, I work at a restaurant. >> You what?

>> It's a restaurant, Swenson's in Ohio. >> Awesome. And how long you been doing standup? >> 14 years. >> 14 years. Hell yeah. You're a funny guy. Uh, you work at Hilarities in Cleveland. >> I've been there. I've done the open mic when they had it. >> Okay. You making money doing standup at

all? >> I host a show on Thursdays. >> Where at? >> It's called Unhinged Lounge in Cleveland. >> It's at the Unhinged Lounge in Cleveland. >> Yes. >> Okay. Well, there's some people definitely listening in Ohio, Northeast Ohio, that might start going to that Unhinged Lounge in Cleveland on Thursdays. What time? >> 8.

>> 8:00 PM. Yep. There you go. Who knows? There might be [ __ ] four more people there this week, >> maybe. I love it. What do you do for fun? You have any hobbies or special skills or talents? You seem like the kind of guy that [ __ ] cuts out like

magazine pictures of women and then changes their eyes and their mouths and stuff to try to make your dream girl. >> Only once in a while. >> What do you What do you do for fun? >> Uh, I play a lot of chess on my phone. >> Oh, no. I'm with you on that. I am with

you on that one. I'm obsessed. Go ahead. >> He like he you have the energy of like the guy who like like when the dog gets sick, you just shoot it in the backyard. >> Or if it doesn't get sick, you look like you would shoot a dog in the back of the

head. >> Um >> I was really worried about your haircut and that it matches your delivery so well >> that it works as a character. I didn't realize that's what it was, but And >> thank you. I thought it was just a really bad haircut, but but it matches the persona and the

delivery. And I think I think you did a really good job, man. >> You're following some really really hot comics, too. So, you did a good job, man. Nice. >> Yeah, you did really good. Uh, >> what's another fun fact about Tyler Sullivan that we would find interesting? What makes you different than everybody

else? >> Uh, I have six kids. >> No way. Wow. >> Wait, are they yours? Three are mine. >> Oh, wow. >> Yeah. >> And you're raising three other kids? I am. >> Wow. What's the age range? What's the youngest? >> Youngest 11year-old twins. >> Whoa. Wow. And what's the oldest? >> 21.

>> What's your Instagram? >> What? Red Band. You're so [ __ ] weird, dude. It's unbelievable. Sound effects. Sound effects. All right. Um, wow, Tyler. So, why do I picture this woman, and I hope this doesn't sound offensive, but this is a comedy show. Why do I picture this woman that you're with is really big? Why do I

think she's a big lady? Am I right? She over 200 lb. >> Not over 200 lb. >> Okay. All right. You're on board. >> I feel like you only date women your size so that when you skin them, >> you got with that drip. >> Wow. So, what's it like having all those

kids? Are they all still in the house? It's Cleveland, so I know it's hard to [ __ ] get them out of there. >> Two of them are out. >> Okay. 21year-old's out. Y >> What are they doing? >> Working at the gas station around the corner. >> Uh yeah, she works at uh Denny's.

>> Yep. That's close. That was my next guest. We know Denny's very well. I'm from Youngstown. So, do you know that? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So, I totally get it. Cleveland's like a huge upgrade. Cleveland's like New York City to us in Youngstown. So, and this is what Cleveland's like, everybody. So, imagine imagine what I

survived. >> Um, so at Denny's and what's the 19year-olds out? >> Yeah, he's going to go to Kent State. >> Nice. >> Very good. That's huge. That is huge. >> He's going to reenact the school shooting. Maybe >> they all have good sense of humors like you. >> Yeah, >> you've instilled that in them.

>> I think I did. >> You're a good dad. >> That's great. That's amazing, Tyler. That's incredible. That's some good people up here. Good dad. Military heroes. Um Tyler, what's your uh what what's your preferred game of chess? You do blitz? Do you go long form? What are we doing here? >> Uh

>> human chess. All right, Don, settle down. Draw's out of control. This guy's a good guy. He's a good guy. Be nice to him. I don't want to >> I think it's just the normal way. I'm not sure. >> You just play regular. Okay. Not timed or anything. >> No, it is timed.

>> What's the time? 10. >> Uh 10. >> There you go. Y All right. >> Yep. >> Okay. Well, maybe one day when you get to 5minute blitz, you'll see me on there. You you at chess.com? >> No, mine is uh >> Get on chess class. >> Get on chess.com. That's the actual

thing. It's easy. >> It's free. It has ads on it. It's free. You >> guys are dorks. >> Yeah, we're such dorks. Redband, you make AI music. Shut the [ __ ] up. >> Shut the [ __ ] up. Make it better. Make it better. >> Check me. >> Make it better. No, I wrote the lyrics.

Hey, what do you say? It's a good day. I'm eating hay by the bay. You shut up. >> Jesus Christ. >> He's playing people online using AI that are beating him. They're just like taking photos of you. >> Not how it works. Not how it works. >> Not how it works. >> The whole point of playing chess would

be to play yourself, not to use a computer to win. That's a highlevel [ __ ] though. I know you saw the Magnus Carlson documentary. Anyway, um Tyler Sullivan, I like your [ __ ] style. Here's a big joke. Congratulations. Fantastic. Scott, thank you for coming out. One final bucket pool, ladies and

gentlemen. And here we go. He goes by the name of Richie Swarvin. Everybody, here comes Richie Swarvin.

I just got out of a really bad relationship and just wanted to see what it felt like to speak for 60 seconds without being interrupted. Sorry.

No, but uh being new to Austin, uh I was back on the apps, back on Tinder. Um and I had to share a very interesting match that I got. She said it was a bunch of green flags. It was like, you know, love dark humor and she was gorgeous, about my age, you know, blonde, gorgeous girl.

But it was like, I just got diagnosed with a very aggressive, rare form of cancer and I just want to have a lot of sex and have fun before starting chemo. I know what everyone's thinking. Like, talk about no strings attached. Is she is she even going to last 9 months? you know, I mean, but

but it did get me thinking a little further past it that I think there should be a dating app exclusively for people with like potentially terminal illness or a terminal illness cuz it's awkward to like, you know, hook up with someone knowing that you may die. And I think we can call the app uh final

chapter when you're on your way out and you still want to get it in. All right, Richie Dwarvin, welcome. Welcome. >> So, I'm just trying to get it right. The new girl has a rare cancer or your ex has rare cancer. >> No, it was just someone that I matched with on Tinder, but uh

>> Did you hook up with her? >> No, she actually didn't respond to me, which >> Damn, >> it's not common. So, she must have died. Yeah, D matches. He got it. >> Wow. >> D's cracking up over here. That's hilarious. >> Richie, how old are you? >> I am 35. Turned 36 Saturday.

>> Okay. Wow. Since you told us your birthday, I actually think you might be a 19-year-old girl. >> Um, how long you been doing standup? >> Uh, just about nine months now. >> Nine months. Where at? >> Just Austin. Yeah. Well, I I did like two mics when I was 21. I'm from

Detroit, but I I >> How long have you lived here? uh since like a week after Thanksgiving. So, >> okay. >> Yeah. End of November. >> All right. Some very interesting mathematical answers we're getting from you. >> All right. A week after Thanksgiving. Okay. Uh >> I'm not a numbers guy. All right. Okay.

>> What do you do for work, Richie? >> I'm a chef. >> Okay. What are you cooking? >> Uh I'm at I'm doing Italian. I'm at Frank and Margie's. I'm not sure if you know the place. Yeah. Thank you. >> Senior fat ass correspondent here clapping his hands. Oh yeah. Yeah, we do know them. Yeah.

Phil Franklin Lee. That is a great restaurant. >> I'm executive sue chef there. >> Look at you. That's a big deal. >> Hell yeah. >> It's amazing. >> No, that they are fantastic. >> Yeah, we uh we we tend to uh go to his house for Thanksgiving. >> That is a little tradition.

>> That is where that's right around when you moved here. >> Yeah, that's quick with the math on that. >> I love it. So what I mean that is incredible because they literally are uh yeah there's no way for you guys to know so I'll just say it. They are multiple time Michelin starinning chefs. Um and

they hired you. >> That's incredible. How'd you how do you get a job like that? >> Well um since I didn't pursue comedy the last like 10 15 years I dove into being a chef cuz I could be funny at work and that was kind of my outlet. Also, I was a raging alcoholic, so super easy to get

away with. Yep. >> And so, I kept putting it off, putting it off, putting it off. And then I I've been sober almost a year now. And I'm like, why the [ __ ] don't I go to >> Nice. >> It's horrible. Don't clap. It's [ __ ] boring. I don't suggest it. Just keep

your [ __ ] together and [ __ ] drink. It's awesome. But I can't. But so I don't. But I was like I came to the realization I was doing like resort jobs. cuz I was in Wyoming in November and I was like, "Wow, why don't I just [ __ ] move to Austin where I can do

both >> comedy and what I know I'm good at being a chef." So, >> yeah. Incredible. If you uh had to give some advice on how you got sober, what was your trick to it? >> It's funny you asked cuz it's been a [ __ ] long journey. Like I've been to rehab more time like probably inpatient

rehabs where you're there for like an extended amount of time probably 10 plus times. I was someone that professionals at rehabs were saying like, "You're never gonna make it. Just give." Like, I had people literally tell me to give up that were like paid to tell people not to give up. Total lost cause. Total [ __ ] lost

cause. And after all that, this last time, I didn't go anywhere. Didn't do it. I just stopped on my own, detoxed myself at home, which is super dangerous, but >> I had like I don't know what happened. It was a a while ago. And yeah, I just moved. I I was like, you know what's

good for my sobriety? Standup comedy in Austin, Texas. That sounds like that's going to be great. Yeah. Right. And this is the first time that I've gotten close to a year without anything. I don't I can't explain it. >> That is amazing. So, let me ask you because I find it all so intriguing.

>> Uh the all the counselors telling you that you're not going to make it. What were they seeing? What were they what were you telling them? like what made them think that you had didn't have a chance? >> Well, it didn't like it didn't help that I was new. I I went to Tucson to stay

with my sister and I got it was right when right before CO started. So, anytime I [ __ ] up anywhere, I knew no one but my sister and she was done with me the first time I started drinking again. So, I was homeless. So they thought I was like probably like after

repeat offending like trying to find a place to just stay cuz I was but I'm not I wasn't you know doing that to be off the streets. I really wanted to get better. It just took me so many [ __ ] tries that statistically it does not happen for someone like me. But I was

like I don't it just I it happened and >> you know what after that answer I think I'm going to get sober too. Yeah, sorry. I get it's been so much [ __ ] >> But do you have a special trick that you did? Was there something that you did that made you or did you just hit

absolute bottom >> that? See, that's the weird I was just talking to my friend about it while I was waiting to get picked. Is that uh or potentially? No. >> There's just a moment where you hear from people where they're like all the rehabs, all the all the meetings doesn't mean [ __ ] to a lot of people. You just

have a moment where you're [ __ ] done. And I had it and I couldn't tell you when it was. It just something clicks and some people I think don't live long enough with the drinking or drugs to get to that point. >> What kind of drugs were you doing? A lot of cocaine.

>> Yeah, I did do a lot of cocaine back when there wasn't fentanyl in it everywhere. But I didn't do a lot of hard drugs till I moved to Tucson. So it was a weird weird thing to start heroin at 31. But >> yeah, >> I didn't shoot up though. So like it

wasn't as serious as it >> Yeah. and smoked it. >> I know, right? >> They call that wasted. >> They call that wasting it when you don't shoot it. Yeah. >> He puts heroin in his brownies. >> That's a lot of brownies. >> I don't think you're going to make >> Talk about a food coma.

>> Oh, I love it. Uh Richie, give us one more fun fact about your life before I get you out of here. >> Um one more fun fact. >> Any special skills or talents? Are you really good at something? You seem like the kind of guy that can uh Pokemon while parkouring perhaps at the same

time. >> No, I mean besides being a chef and like you know thinking or being told I was funny. Uh I used to skateboard and really that's all I do is cook and do open mics. So not a lot of other >> not a lot of fun. >> I'm going to set you up for one more big

one here. What was the craziest night of drinking and drugs or whatever in which you're like, "Jesus [ __ ] Christ, I'm an disgusting animal." >> Like, what was a what was one example of which you're like, >> it was this is the worst. It was one of the times I could say I actually had the

realization like this is enough. But it it wasn't the last time that I was doing something stupid. But I had an apartment in Tucson and I woke up one morning and there's like 10 people sprawled out with needles like still in their arms while they're passed out. Not dead, but just [ __ ] out. And I was like, "This is so

gross." And a stripper stole all my whatever that big check you got for doing nothing was back then for the from the government. The >> income tax return. >> No, no, the the free one that the stimulus [ __ ] co Yeah, the stimulus check. I cashed it so I had all cash and

the stripper that was living there with me took all the cash and I was like, I need to [ __ ] go back to treatment and really get a handle on this. So yeah, it was just gross. >> Yeah, cuz you weren't planning on paying that stripper at all. >> I didn't have I didn't meet her at the

strip club. She just >> right >> came by cuz she heard it was a great time probably. Yeah. Just a [ __ ] >> This is a This is a tourism ad for Tucson, Arizona, by the I don't like I think Cleveland's scary. Uh >> vampires. >> Keep driving through Tucson. >> Yeah. Don't Don't go. I wouldn't. Unless

you have to, I guess, >> Richie, fun times, man. I have actually run out of big joke books and golden tickets tonight. I'm kidding. You weren't going to get one. >> Two two little ones. >> No. Shut the [ __ ] up. >> Oh [ __ ] >> There he goes. Richie Zarvin, everybody.

>> Oh my god. Thank you, guys. And we've come to that time, ladies and gentlemen. We did it. We went through uh 10 full-blown bucket pulls. The first episode ever in which we had backto-back golden ticket winners. And now there's only one way to close an episode like this, and it is with a true anomaly, a

freak of nature. This guy just [ __ ] crushed two sets at MSG. He kills every time he comes out. We love him. You love him. Make some noise for the anomaly. The real deal, Pat O'Neal. Everybody,

FOLKS, >> girls are so dumb that when you're [ __ ] them, they forget to come. Ah, silly broads.

recently was with this gal starts calling me daddy. Anytime I'm in bed and a girl does that, I always tell him the same thing. He can't help you now.

I don't think saying daddy is like so much of a fetish though as it is just about how the word sounds, right? Cuz it's always daddy. Never just dad or papa. Nobody's ever throwing it back saying yes, father. Besides alter boys.

Okay, that's it. Thank you. I mean, wow. Just absolutely again and again and again. The best jokes [ __ ] I mean, it's just unbelievable. It's unbelievable what the [ __ ] you do up here. >> Thank you, Tony. It's crazy. and to get to watch you to get to watch the evolution every week and every place

we've go and everything to watch week after week the applause get louder the folks get a huge pop is the folks are too kind. Thank you folks. >> Yeah, it is amazing and it's so [ __ ] deserved. It's just there's no extra hype. There's nothing that uh there is just the best jokes every night all the

time. That is [ __ ] incredible. So stupid they forget to come is unbelievable. The whole daddy thing, the alter boy finish. I mean, it's just absolutely [ __ ] amazing what you do. You look like a comedian. You You write like a comedian. You execute every joke [ __ ] I mean, it's just I'm just a

huge fan. Giron Horton. >> I I just love the energy. It's [ __ ] amazing. I never seen you live before. Thanks, sir. >> So, yeah. It's like like it's like it's like if Rick and Morty did an episode about Scarface. >> It's another Rick and Morty remix for you. >> It happens. It's okay. Don't worry about

it. Happens every time someone sees them for the first time. >> I don't know what it is. >> It has to be accurate if this many people say it. Like I'm going to check in with the wise sage, the [ __ ] man, the myth, the legend that really got this whole Austin

comedy scene started. Convinced [ __ ] uh Joe would be the first to admit that uh Ron is that guy that got us all here. Uh sold us all on Austin. This is the [ __ ] boom town. And you've gotten to see Pat O'Neal recently because he's been doing uh spots with us on Tuesdays

and Wednesdays. Well, I I'd heard all of the uh I've just been hearing a buzz, you know. So, and if you I've been in standup comedy, well, September 17th, 40 years, so a long goddamn time. And uh and uh I walked out on the balcony to watch you do a set and I was like, "Ah,

damn, this kid is so [ __ ] good, man." And I had you come out and do some stuff with me on the uh in the big room right here. And it's just it's just amazing and it's a joy to watch and there's just not very many comics that I'll walk out and watch a set, you know, it just

because I've just seen so much of it and but yours is so original and so much fun. So, >> thank you so much, Ron. Thank you. It's it's absolutely incredible. The punches hit so hard. He follows through with the punches. It's like literally a whole [ __ ] analysis of how the thing is

done can kind of be seen and understood just by watching you. Uh, it is [ __ ] crazy and you remind everybody why we love this industry so much. So, keep up the great work. >> Thank you, Tony. >> Powerful Pat O'Neal has done it again. >> Uh, yeah, we [ __ ] did it, guys. How

much fun did we have tonight, huh? Kill Tony's going to Dallas September 26th. Houston October 17th, Vegas November 13th and 14th. And again, New Year's Eve at the Moody's Center December 31st, New Year's Eve. For the fifth year in a row, we are doing an arena on New Year's Eve in our hometown of Austin, Texas. The

drawing from Ryan J. Eald is in. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there during the show. Oh, the great Ron White. Hell yeah, guys. >> Damn, you had no black colors over there. Make some noise for the great Sheron Horton, everybody. Road writer, unbelievable comedian. And how about one more time for our favorite

human being on planet Earth, the one and only Ron White, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, follow them on social media. Check out, see when they're coming near you on tour. Redband, >> check out the secret show every Thursday at the Sunset Strip, at.com. I love you guys. >> We love you guys. Thank you so much. Get

out.

Heat. Heat.

wasted. Let's go.