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謝るだけでは逆効果！許される人の謝り方とは — Transcript · YTtoTranscript

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謝るだけでは逆効果！許される人の謝り方とは

メンタリスト DaiGo · 2,308 words · 12 min read · EN

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Below is the complete, readable transcript of 謝るだけでは逆効果！許される人の謝り方とは by メンタリスト DaiGo on YouTube. Read the full text, copy any part you need, or generate a transcript for any video with our free tool.

Yes, so, the main theme of this discussion is, which is better: someone who apologizes immediately, or someone who explains things logically? yes. Well, it's quite common, isn't it, in romantic relationships? You know how some people immediately apologize, saying, "Oh, sorry, sorry," while others start by explaining, saying, "Uh, wait, wait, let me explain first"

? The question is, which is better? yes. Yes, I'd like to give it a try . Oh, Della is also doing a segment on the science of apologies, and they're also doing a segment on how to improve romantic relationships and things like that, so if you're interested, please check it out. So, to get straight to the

point, this isn't a matter of two choices ; it's a matter of order. Immediately after you've hurt someone, the correct thing to do is to apologize first, and then explain. yes. Before apologizing, it's also important to listen to what the other person has to say. It's important to listen to the other person,

apologize, and then explain. yes. Now, if you do it in the wrong order, it will have the opposite effect. Research has shown that an apology based solely on an explanation doesn't resonate with the other person, so I think that's something we learned today. The keywords are in order. This is about apologizing, acknowledging the situation, and taking measures to prevent recurrence. This

is the golden rule of apology, which can be used not only for couples' relationship depreciation but also for work. The goal is to prevent a recurrence of the apology and acceptance of the situation . yes. Another key word today is the demand for responsibility. yes. Well , actually, everyone is doing something, but there are two types of explanations: good explanations and bad explanations

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. We often say "explain it logically," but not emotionally. And there are two types of logical explanations: the first is a constructive explanation, and the second is an explanation that contains nuances of excuses, justifications, and self-justification to avoid responsibility . Well, there are these two , but they're completely different things, you know

. yes. Well, actually, according to an interesting study conducted in China, there is a game called the Trust Game, and there is a study on it , and there is a research method, and to put it simply, uh [snorts], it is a game that includes elements such as how to restore broken trust

. It's a story where betrayal and being betrayed happen. yes . And according to research using this, an apology helps restore broken trust , and what's more, it makes the other person think, "Ah, this person is indeed a trustworthy person ." Well, that was the kind of effect it had . However, there's something you need to be careful about

. When I say this, some people have commented that it's okay to just keep quiet and apologize, but that's not the case . There are some points to note. yes. You understand, right? That while the other person's negative feelings are still strong, apologizing won't easily improve the relationship of trust . Therefore, you must first acknowledge and accept the other person's feelings

. So instead of just apologizing repeatedly with "I'm really sorry , I'm so sorry," if you just say "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I think the other person will be like, "Wow!" I will accept all of those negative emotions . Accepting it and, for example, putting it into words is one way to do it

. They verbalize the other person's feelings and fully accept them, saying things like, "I thought this and that, or this and that, or that's what it was like, or that's what you were thinking." Just listen to what they have to say. That's why, you see, even women don't say it . When my husband showed it to me, I said, "Sorry, husband, sorry."

Oh, I'm really sorry, I'm really sorry, you think that's a genuine apology, right? You know those things that look like bread? He said "sorry" for not listening to me, but I think he thought that if he said sorry, I would shut up . Well, that's the reason . This is interesting, isn't it? Yeah.

Looking at Amseramark's research and such, it seems that what's really important in an apology is acknowledging one's own faults . No, I was wrong . Yeah. I was wrong. Yeah. Instead of saying that all of these things weren't bad, or that it was all my fault, it's better to acknowledge your own shortcomings, like saying, "I

really did wrong in this part and here ." yes. Is this a political party that tries to avoid responsibility? If you say something like, "Actually, I wasn't really involved," or "I didn't know about it," even if that's true , the other party might not forgive you. So, it's really important not to absolve yourself of any responsibility. yes

. So, there are people who ask, "So, instead of explaining, should I just bow my head?" That's not the case. The explanation is n't meaningless, you know. This is research from the University of Auckland, and if you take a look, you'll find it interesting. Arguments between couples, arguments between married couples, you know.

yes. So, this conflict dialogue , well, it's basically like a father-son argument . Yeah. After a year of arguing like that , I came across an interesting study from 2018, and according to it, there are issues that need to be changed, and these are indeed issues. It's about demanding change regarding issues that need to be changed. Those kinds of

frank comments were actually beneficial to our relationship. In short, instead of blaming the other person, this is a problem that exists between the two of you right now . So, we thought hard about how we could change this, and it was good that we could properly resolve the issue so that it would improve our relationship

. And then the relationship improves . Yes, on the other hand, there was the side that was asked to make that change, the side that was told, "We want this fixed ." Even if the person being told says "no, no, no, no," you're the same, aren't you? Sometimes you just want to retort or argue back, saying things like, "Yeah, there are times like this, right?"

yes. That would mean the relationship would decline, wouldn't it? yes. What I'm trying to say is, there's a proper order to things when someone apologizes or says something to you. Before you retort or explain, there are things you need to do, and this order is important. So, if someone tells you that this aspect of you isn't good and you should change it, and you

say, "Oh, sorry," and then say, "But, you know, I had a similar experience the other day," that's really bad . That's why the order I mentioned earlier is extremely important. First, an apology and acknowledgment of the feelings. Apologize by saying "I'm sorry" and acknowledge the other person's feelings. yes. No, no, that's just your imagination or a misunderstanding.

Rather, the fact remains that the other person felt those emotions , so, oh, I see, that's how they felt. It's like they're apologizing, so I'll accept it. And once the other person's emotions have calmed down , I say, "I'm sorry again," and I'm really sorry. Well, just to explain, you see, and then

give a brief explanation. And at this time, be sure to acknowledge your own day . For example, even if what the other person thought was a misunderstanding, you should apologize for causing them to think that way . But this is what it's really like. So, explain it properly, like "Don't worry." This is a very important point. And

finally, measures to prevent recurrence. yes. So, to avoid causing misunderstandings like that next time, or to prevent people from noticing, or to avoid breaking promises, I'll do these things . This is the best possible apology and explanation. yes. That's the story . Well, that's why apologizing immediately helps to quickly restore trust and makes it

easier to get forgiveness. It's best to start by immediately apologizing, right? The logical explanation comes in the latter half. yes . In the second half, after fully acknowledging the other person's feelings, you can briefly explain and propose preventative measures, such as "We will do these things to ensure this never happens again ." After the apology and acknowledgment are complete, and

after you've properly acknowledged the feelings of the person you apologized to, then you should listen. That's Ronnie's way of explaining it. That's interesting, isn't it? So, couples break up because of misunderstandings, or they clash because of those misunderstandings. It's not just those couples; that kind of thing happens with friends and acquaintances too, right? The reason for that is that

first, you need to acknowledge their apology and feelings . An apology and acknowledgment must come first. This is the first half. If we skip the first half and jump straight into explaining the second half, and then move on to things like preventing recurrence, it's going to fall apart . Isn't it interesting? Yes. Yes, I would be very happy if you could use it as a

reference . So, let's try to think about this in terms of our own situation . Think of a recent argument you've had. It could be a work-related argument , or with your parents, children, or partner. What was the first thing you said? Yes. I'm sorry for thinking this way . Oh, that's it. Or, but, but,

explanations, well, the worst thing was your own party or defense, so please, uh, you know, try to remember and write it down. yes . Well, right from the first word, people who start with "but" or "because" and begin with explanations tend to lose out unnecessarily in various aspects of their relationships, so yes. Well, you should

change your approach to seeing things through. yes. So, I'd like to introduce today's move . yes. Okay, so that's a summary of today's topics . yes. Please give this a try. If you realize you've hurt, angered , or misunderstood someone, the first minute should always be dedicated to apologizing and acknowledging their feelings.

yes. I'm sorry if I made you think that way . So this is what you thought, right? I was feeling lonely like this. I'm truly sorry about that. I'll listen to your story , tell you what you thought, and I'll make sure to understand . So, once you've acknowledged what they said and they're in a receptive

mood to your explanation, you can give a brief explanation and then

present the basics of what you're doing to prevent such a thing from happening again, or to ensure they never think that way again. This is the best approach. Seriously, just remembering this order will make handling customer complaints so much easier, so please give it a try . Well, as you can see, at D-Lab, we introduce many ways to change your

life based on scientific evidence and cutting-edge research . What makes Dilaba so great is that you can learn the latest research, and, well, the latest research that you can actually use, and you can also use AI in psychology. yes. Well, I read a huge amount of literature and papers, and then I share the

best parts with everyone, like videos on Netflix, and also live broadcasts, which are the main format. And also, um, I introduce them in the form of audiobooks, that's what Dilab is all about . Well, in addition to that, I have an AI that possesses almost all of my knowledge, including the content of that broadcast, like

my alter ego. AI can be used. If you enter your goals, the AI , AI5, will tell you the shortest way to achieve them, almost as if I were creating a plan for myself. It also has a feature like that, so please check it out if you're interested . yes. And the annual price is astronomical

. Well, originally, it was about the price of one book per month . Well, I guess I buy about one book a month, and people who read books probably get a bad one about once a month . Yeah. Dila doesn't have those kinds of issues , and well, it has about 34,000 pieces of

content, and that's constantly increasing, so it's roughly the price of one book per month, but if you subscribe to the annual balance plan it's really cheap. It will cost a little over 1000 yen a month, so it will be about 8000 yen less , so if you'd like, please do register and give it a try. You

can simply search for "D-Lab" on the internet , or scan this QR code, or, if you're using YouTube, check the description box; the link is there, so please subscribe if you're interested. yes. So , we've covered people who apologize immediately and people who explain things logically. What did you think? Well , both are important, but it's like the first and second halves of a person's personality are different

. So, I'm saying it's a good idea to try it, so please do give it a go. I also cover persuasion techniques in Dilraba , so if you combine that with this, it will be even more powerful in the latter half , and I think it will be more useful in work and other situations

, so if you're interested, please check out Dilraba as well . We look forward to seeing you at Dilrab .