Why Avoidants Are So Hard To Get Over (And How To Finally Heal)

If you've ever [clears throat] found yourself obsessing over an avoidant ex months or even years after the breakup or discard, you're not crazy and you're certainly not alone. Breakups with avoidants are not normal breakups at all. They're often even discards and they leave you completely confused and often obsessing over this person. In the

past, you may have gotten over breakups or even divorces in weeks or months, but this time it's different. So, today I'm going to explain why breakups with avoidants are not normal breakups, why they hurt more, and how to actually heal and to move forward. So, first of all, when it comes to the breakup with the

avoidant, this is one of the hardest part. You're grieving two people, not just one. You're grieving the person that they actually are. And then you're grieving the person you believed they could become. In other words, their potential. You fell in love with the potential of this person, the version of themselves that they showed that they

could be, the early dating version. Most people really aren't grieving the relationship they had. They're grieving the relationship that they hoped for because the fantasy can really be harder to release than reality. You get bonded to this version of them that only exists when there's no triggers to their nervous system, when there's no

emotional intimacy. You see, in the beginning, it is the shared fantasy phase with the dismissive avoidant. And same thing with fearful avoidants that lean heavily dismissive. Anxious leaning fearful avoidants are an entirely different situation. But in the beginning, it is the honeymoon phase, but with an avoidant, it's a shared fantasy because their nervous system