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Disappointing Men - Part 1 — Transcript · YTtoTranscript

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Disappointing Men - Part 1

PHC Kingston · 6,183 words · 31 min read · EN

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[music]

>> Amen church, let's stand to our feet. Amen, let's stand to our feet. We're going to worship [music] our king. Thank you, Jesus, Lord. Sing Hosanna. And Hosanna. >> [singing] [music] >> Yes, Lord. >> [music and singing] [singing and music] >> Sing let our king Yes, Lord. >> [music and singing]

[singing] [music] >> Hosanna, [singing and music] and Hosanna. >> [music] [singing] [music] >> Yes, Lord. Let our king >> [singing] [music] >> Hosanna. >> [singing] [music] >> Hosanna. [singing] >> [music]

[music] [singing] [music] [music and singing] >> Hosanna. >> [music] [singing]

[music] >> Hosanna. >> [music]

>> Watch this. >> [music] [singing] >> Who's using my phone? >> [music] >> Is that him? Is that all right? >> [music]

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[music] [music] [music]

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[music] >> Amen.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank [music] you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. [music] Have your way. Have your way, Lord. Have your way. >> [music]

>> You [music] are here. You are [singing] here. You're moving in our midst. >> [music] >> I worship you, Lord. >> [singing] >> I worship [music] you. You are [singing] here. You're working. You're working in this >> [music] >> place. >> [singing] >> I worship you. I worship you. Yes, >> [singing] >> Lord. I worship

>> [music] >> you. You are here. >> [singing] >> Turning lives around. >> [music] >> Turning lives around. >> [singing] >> Lord, I worship you. Yeah. I worship [music and singing] you. You are here. You are here. >> [music and singing] >> Moving in our midst. Moving in our midst. And I worship

>> [singing] [music] >> you, yes Lord. I worship you. >> Yes, Lord. >> Cuz you >> [singing and music] >> are a way maker, miracle worker, >> [music] >> promise [singing] keeper, light in the darkness, my God, >> [music] >> that is who you are. Yes, >> [singing] >> you are a way [music] maker,

miracle worker, promise [singing] keeper, light in the darkness, >> [music] >> my God, that is [singing] who you are. >> You [music] are here. >> You are here. >> Turning lives around. >> [music and singing] >> Turning lives around. >> I worship you. >> I [music] worship you. I worship you. >> You [singing and music] are here.

>> You are here. >> Moving in our midst, moving in our midst. >> [music] >> I worship you, >> [music] >> Lord. I worship [singing] you. Cuz you are >> [music] >> a way maker, miracle worker, promise [singing] keeper, light in the darkness, >> [music] >> my God, that is who you are.

>> [singing] >> Yes, you are a way [music] maker, miracle worker, promise [singing] keeper, light in the darkness, my [music] God, that is who you are. That is [singing] who you are. That is who you are. >> Oh, Lord. >> That is who you are. That is who >> [music] >> you are.

>> [singing] >> That is who you Cuz even >> [music and singing] >> Even when I don't see it, you >> Yes, Lord. >> Even when I don't feel it, you work. You [music and singing] never stop. You never stop working. You never stop. [singing] You never stop. Cuz even when [music] Even when I don't see it, you work.

Even when I don't >> [music] >> feel it, you work. You never [singing] stop. You never stop [music] working. >> Oh, Lord. >> You never stop. You never stop. Cuz even [music and singing] when Even when I don't see it, you work. Even when I don't feel it, you [singing and music] work.

You never stop. You never stop working. You never stop. [music and singing] You never stop. >> You're working. >> Touching [music] every [singing] heart, and I worship you. >> [music] >> I worship [singing] you. >> Yes, Lord. Come on, let's [music] give him praise. The way maker that makes a way where there is no way.

>> [music]

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>> Oh, Lord. We want to welcome the presence of God in this place. >> [music] >> Oh, we need [singing] you, Lord. Need [music] you, Lord.

>> [music] [music] >> A thousand generations [singing] [music] are falling down in worship to sing the song >> [singing and music] >> of ages to the Lamb. And all of God >> [singing and music] >> before us and all who will >> [music and singing] >> believe will sing the song >> [music and singing]

>> of ages to the Lamb. A thousand >> [singing] >> A thousand [music] generations are falling [singing] down in worship to sing the song of ages >> [music] [singing] >> to the Lamb. And all of God >> [music and singing] >> before us and all who will believe will sing >> [singing and music]

>> the song of ages to the Lamb. Cuz your name >> [music and singing] >> Cuz your name is the highest. Your name >> [music] >> is the greatest. >> [singing] >> Your name stands [music] above them all. Above all thrones, above all thrones [singing] and dominions, >> [music] >> all powers and positions.

>> [singing and music] >> Your name it stands above >> [singing] >> them all. And the angels >> [music] >> cry, >> [singing] >> "Holy! >> [music] >> Oh, [singing] creator!" cries. Holy, you are lifted >> [singing] [music] >> high. Holy, [singing] holy forever. [music] And if you've been forgiven, >> [music] >> and if you've been forgiven,

>> [singing] >> and if you've been >> [music] >> redeemed, we'll sing [singing] the song forever [music] to the lamb. And if you >> [singing] >> walk in freedom, and if you bear his name, >> [singing] [music] >> we'll sing the song forever [singing] to the lamb. >> [music] >> As Lord, we'll sing [singing and music] the song

forever as they amen, and the angels cry. Holy, >> [music and singing] >> all creation cries. >> [music] >> Holy, you are lifted >> [singing] >> high. Holy, holy forever. And hear your people, hear [music and singing] your people sing. Holy, [singing] >> [music] >> to the king of kings. >> [music] >> Holy,

>> [singing] >> you will always be >> [music] >> holy. >> [singing] >> Holy [music] forever. Cuz your name >> [music and singing] >> Your name is the highest. [singing] Your name >> [music] >> is the greatest. Your name it stands above >> [singing] >> them all. >> [music] >> And all thrones

>> [singing] >> and dominions >> [music] >> all powers and positions, [singing] your name >> [music] >> it stands above them all. >> [singing] >> Your name. >> Your [music] name is the highest. Your [singing] name is the [music] greatest. Your name it stands above them all. >> [music and singing] >> And all thrones

and dominions >> [music] >> and all powers >> [singing] >> and positions, [music] your name it stands [singing] above them all. And [music] the angels cry, "Holy." >> [singing] [music] >> All creation cries, "Holy." >> [music and singing] >> You are lifted high. "Holy." >> [singing] [music] >> Holy forever. >> And hear your [music and singing] people

>> And hear your people sing, >> [music] >> "Holy >> [singing] >> to king king [music] of kings. Holy, >> [singing and music] >> you will always be. >> [music] >> Holy, >> [singing] >> holy forever. >> [singing] >> Oh, yes Lord. Come on, let's give him praise. We magnify your holy name.

>> [music and singing] >> There is no name under heaven >> [music] >> by which a man can be saved by the name Jesus. God, we give you all the glory right [music] now. Father, we give you all the honor, Lord. Father, let your spirit be poured out on your church. >> [music]

>> We humbly cry out to you, Lord. To meet with our needs, [music and singing] Lord. To meet with our challenges, oh God. The Father, if we need to be [music] rebuked, Lord God, I pray that in your spirit, God, you will challenge us. And [music] I pray that Father, as your word is ministered,

that God, this word will fall upon good ground. >> [music] >> Father God, from a on a people that are ready to respond to you. God, we are desperate. >> [music] >> Desperate, desperate of your anointing, Lord. Desperate for more of your spirit, Lord God. In our marriages, Lord. In our parenting, Lord. In our mental health,

Lord. We need more of your spirit, Lord. In our career, our finances, Lord. We need your blessing, [music] Lord. We need your anointing, oh God. We give you all the glory, Lord. >> [singing] >> You're >> [music] >> holy. You're [singing] the king. Holy. >> [music] >> Holy. >> [music] >> Holy. Holy

>> [music] >> forever.

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>> Father, the fullness of grace of your presence, Lord. >> [music] >> Help us, Lord Father God, to to love to be in your presence, [music] Lord. You're holy, oh Father in heaven. You are holy. The king that redeems. Who [music] restores, who rebuilds. I'm trusting in you, Lord Father God, to do what only you can do.

Meet with us, Lord Father God, wherever we [music] may be in our lives right now. Help us, Lord Father God. Thank you, Jesus. [music] Thank you, Jesus. We welcome your presence right now, Father God, in this place. In Jesus' mighty [music] name I pray, and the church says Amen. Turn around, make someone feel

welcome. We're going to open [music] the children's church. Amen. Open. >> [music] >> Amen. The children's church is now open. If you can help us and escort your children, amen, that will be a great blessing to us, [music] amen.

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>> Amen. Amen. Amen. Thank you, Jesus, for your grace. How many people happy to be in the house of God today? Praise God. Amen. Amen. We're going to believe God for his word today. God is going to help us. Amen. And uh I apologize to the men in advance. This is not an attack on you, men.

Amen. It's just the word of the word of God for the week. Amen. But sisters, don't switch me off. Uh because God is going to help us all. Amen. And we're going to be reading out the the book of 1 Samuel 25. I don't have my watch, so Elizabeth, keep me keep me in time, please.

1 Samuel 25:25 to 26 is going to be our main text. And we're going to believe God is going to help us. Um When I first wrote this message, it was actually a men's discipleship class. It was written as a men's discipleship class, but the more I, you know, studied and expounded upon the the idea of what

God was, you know, helping me with in this in the in this class, I I I realized that this expounds beyond just uh uh a men's class. It it it it touches into arenas where, you know, a lot of us have experienced these kind of things even though we're not men. And the thing that, you know, it was it

was really that this is like I said, I I think I wrote this in 2023, and I'd never really found the right forum to to to minister it cuz I felt like it's a men's class, but it might be a bit too heavy for the men to receive at the time where our church was at, but so I kind

of just put it in the back in the backlog and just, you know, and then prayed about it and then before you know it it it it resurfaced in 2026. And I really feel like God is going to help us. And this was inspired at the time because I was speaking to wives

and they were just disappointed. They were disappointed and they weren't disappointed with with with, you know, things that we'll say, "Oh, they're just being a bit difficult." They were genuinely disappointed by things that I can honestly say that is a disappointing thing. That is not right. That should not be happening. And you know, even in

our marriage breakfast this morning we spoke about growing with grow growing with your circumstances, but this real this message here was really kind of, you know, birth from a place of, you know, hearing the women's plight, hearing their struggle, and then basically as I heard their struggle I started to make some notes, and then God

kind of showed me to this text that I think is relevant for all of us. I want to speak to you very briefly today about disappointing men. Not that you are disappointing them, but that they are disappointing. Disappointing men. First Samuel 25 25 to 26. The Bible says, "Let Please let not my lord regard this

scoundrel Nabal. For as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is within him or was with him. But I, your maidservant, did not see the young men of my lord whom you sent. Now therefore, my lord, as the Lord lives and as your soul lives, since the Lord has held you back from

coming to bloodshed and from men avenging yourself with your own hand. Now then, let your enemies and those who seek harm for you for my lord be as Nabal, basically be as a fool. God in heaven, I pray for revelation over your word. I pray that Father our hearts are sensitive to receive your word and I

pray that God you will help us to grow from this. I pray this in Jesus mighty name. Amen. I want to start by saying men can be disappointing. Men can be disappointing and this is like I said, this is not a men's discipleship class. Maybe it was your father that was a disappointing man.

Maybe it's your spouse who is a disappointing man. Maybe it's an uncle, maybe it's a sibling, maybe it's you know, someone, but I want you to understand that you know what, when God had you know, ordained and created mankind and you know, and the man was supposed to be the lead and the

spiritual head, the problem is we don't realize is that Satan attacks this infrastructure that God created and now we're in a space where you know what, we are surrounded by disappointing men. You know, I was speaking to someone and you know, like I said, I've been reading books on parenting my daughter and you

know, and it it's just interesting, it's very nerve-wracking as I as I get through these different books and now I'm praying more than anything, God, please, please right? Let my daughter not be, you know, you know, pulled in by some disappointing man. You know what I'm saying? I'm praying about this and as I'm seeing my little princess run

around the house and she's so lovely, she's so full of joy, she's so full of life and I want to tell you I've seen men that suck the life out of women. Disappointing men. When you read about this scoundrel, Nabal, I'm just using Abigail's wife's Abigail's words by the way. Right? In this day and age,

Nabal would be the guy that a lot of women want to have. In this day and age, right? In this soft life age, where people want the soft life, Nabal would have given you the softest life. He would have given YOU THE SOFTEST LIFE. WHY? BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS THIS MAN WAS WEALTHY.

This man was a businessman. HE WAS IGNORANT, BUT HE was also very successful. He was also very intelligent. AND THERE WAS NO DOUBT THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ABIGAIL WITH ALL OF HER WISDOM AND ALL OF HER FAMILY STANDING, SHE ENDS UP being betrothed and then ends up marrying this man because you know what? In a secular sense, he would

have been considered a good suitor. But even though this man had the money, he was a disappointing man. His arrogance and his lack of discernment led to unnecessary conflict. The Bible says in 1 Samuel 25:10, "Then Nabal answered David's servants and said, 'Who is David and who is the son of Jesse?'" This guy is ignorant.

He knows who David is. Everybody knew who David was. In that region, EVERYBODY KNEW. THIS IS THE GIANT SLAYER, RIGHT? Everybody knows THIS GUY. AND NOT ONLY DOES HE KNOW WHO THIS GUY IS, this guy and his men were protecting his shepherds from bandits. So, he knows who he is. BUT WHEN HIS MEN

WHO HAVE BEEN DEFENDING THESE SHEPHERDS COME TO NABAL AND THEY SAY, "HEY, MAN. HEY, LISTEN, NOW IS THE TIME for the harvest. Let's let's let the you know, let's share. WE'VE WE'VE PROTECTED YOU. LET'S SHARE. LET'S BE REASONABLE." AND THEN HIS RESPONSE IS, "Who's David?" The problem wasn't ignorance. The problem was pride.

Disappointing men are prideful. They're full of pride. Foolish men don't just make bad decisions. They become uncorrectable. They're unteachable. Can't be spoken to. But the reality is that these men who have these characteristics many times are quite successful. BECAUSE THAT ARROGANCE, THAT DRIVE, THAT PRIDE, MANY times it drives them to be relatively successful in a business

sense because they are ruthless. When you understand that, you know what, the characteristics of this man, he was a ruthless man. I want to tell you there's an aspect if you want to be successful is to be a little bit ruthless. The mindset has to be, listen man, I don't care if some people are going to

have to not get this job. I'm getting this job, I don't care. I'm going to get this job. I'm going to have this job. I don't care if the I don't care about all the other candidates. There's something in me that says I want to be the one at the top. I'm the one who's going to make it. Can

I tell you something? The way I look at my competitors in my organization in in in in my field, I see them as enemies. When I see them, I'll show them love. Right? Hey, how are you doing? How have you been? I'll never speak negatively of them in a public forum, but when I'm back, you

know, back in the office and I'm strategizing, MY LISTEN, MY MY goal is to make every individual in our organization redundant. Some of you are like, "What are you talking about?" IT'S THEM OR ME. IT'S EITHER MY TEAM THRIVES CUZ THERE'S NOT ENOUGH room in this industry for all of us. There's an element that IS

RUTHLESS. YOU UNDERSTAND THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THAT. IF YOU WANT TO BE SUCCESS IF YOU WANT TO BE KUMBAYA, then you know what, then success is not in your future. So I'm not trying to say, you know what, you got to lose this thing and I, you know, you lose your drive and your

motivation. I'm not saying that, but I am saying that many times these men who are disappointing have these characteristics. See, the problem with an uncorrectable man in Proverbs 12:15, the way of a fool is right in his own eyes. But he who heeds counsel is wise. You know, my stepdad was a really nice guy.

But he was also a fool. What do I mean by that? You you know, yeah, you know, I'm African, you know, and our culture is naturally decide it's almost it's you can shoot me if you're wrong, but basically, we sometimes we support stupidity. Uh you don't have to say amen, it's all right. I'm I'm going to tell you why,

right? Like, I'm the man of this house, right? I'm the man. So, you're going to do as you're told. Even if I'm wrong, you're going to do as you're told. Cuz that's the what that's what the culture dictates. If you don't go along with me, you're being disrespectful. No, maybe you're just getting it wrong.

Maybe, possibly, right? You know, my mom, you know, some of you met my mom. When they were married, um they were both, you know, I would say equal in their career progressions. But it got to one point where my mom was like a rocket. She took off. She start building houses and all sorts

of things and buying this and buying that. I mean, she hey, she turned into a boss, right? But her husband was left behind. And there was times when my mom would say, you know, you want help with that? I can show you how to do it. I know what I'm doing, darling. I know I'm doing.

But when it was all said and done, and we've you know, you've built your houses back home in Ghana, cuz my stepdad was from Ghana. My mom's from Uganda, she's built her houses back home in Uganda. And we would say, okay, we're going on holiday. Which house is complete? Where can we stay? Oh, can we go to Ghana this

year? Ghana, the house hasn't got a roof on it. Right? Can't go Ghana. I Dad, I thought you said you have three houses here. You have three houses, okay. So, one of the houses, there was no walls. I said, "That's not a house. That's land. That don't make no sense. It's illogical what you're saying." And the

thing is, my mom finished the second house, and none of these houses were complete. Right? And the thing was I something in me as a child, I'm like, "What's going on here? Uh Dad, Mom, are you not focusing on building the houses in Uganda first before you build the houses in Ghana? Is

that what's happening?" No, no, no, no, Brandon. I'm building in Uganda. He's building in Ghana. And I'm not sure it don't make no sense. How comes THESE HOUSES ARE COMPLETE? THIS HOUSE IS NOT COMPLETE. THEY DO DON'T ask me these questions. I don't know. I don't know. And I I looked at this thing, and I'm like, "Hold on a

minute. If you have the person in the household who has the skill, why not just listen? Like, imagine what they could HAVE BEEN TOGETHER. IMAGINE IMAGINE THEY THEY THEY BROUGHT THEIR RESOURCES TOGETHER. MY NAKED EYE HAD HOUSES EVERYWHERE. BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING IN THE culture that was just not not right. Because a fool is right in his own eyes.

You know, when I first got married, I just expected my wife to listen. Well, I married a a lovely Caribbean lady. And it's just not really their nature to listen. I remember a Caribbean lady who has a different nature. You know, when I meet when I you guys let me know, right? So,

my wife is like, "This is what we're doing." So, I'm like, "No, no, we're not doing that." I'm like, "But babe, this is what This I'm the man of the house. This is what we're doing. This is what we're doing. This is what we're We're doing this." She's like, "What about this this that

this that this that this this this that this that?" Uh uh So, we're not doing that, then. No, okay, well. She's got a point. But I could put my foot down. Right? But then I would be just like Nabal. See, you can do well in one arena but still be devastatingly disappointing in another.

What did the Bible say? 25:2. Now, there was a man in Maon, right, whose business was in Carmel, and the man was very rich. The man was very rich. 3,000 sheep, 1,000 goats. You know You know what I mean? This guy was very wealthy. But the reality is even in his wealth, there was still something about him that

was just not good. It's not right. And I understand in this day and age, that you know what? I don't Listen, ladies, I want you to understand. I don't know what you're looking for. I don't know what you're looking for, but let me tell you this now. If money is the primary thing, let me tell you

this now, you might find yourself marrying a fool. Cuz like I said, being good in one arena doesn't make you a good man. You know, disappointing men put their households at risk. Did you know that? You know when people talk to you about relationships, you know, cuz I have a daughter now, guys, yeah?

Everything's I'll be honest, everything's changed. Pastor, I like this guy. Is he saved? Okay. How's he going to lead you spiritually? Okay. I don't understand. I don't get it. What are we trying to do here? Right? What What exactly are we trying to do here? And I I'm looking at So, WHAT IS THE

CHARACTERISTIC THAT you are willing to sacrifice all of these other things for? See, the problem is you're setting yourself up to be a disappointed wife. Disappointing men put their households to risk. He made a decision that he did not recognize was going to be the end of his whole household. When he was trying to be the big man.

So, now he's got his You know, they they brought all their animals in and they got they got this harvest. They got all of these things going on. He's sitting there like a king on a throne and then basically David's soldiers come with humility before him and they're like, "Hey, man. We would like to share in

this as we we've done this and we've done that." But because he's got a little bit of pride, he's got some of these you know servant boys there. He's feeling a little bit you KNOW PUFFED UP AND HE'S LIKE, "WHO IS DAVID? THE SON OF JESSE." HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S THAT? IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO he is.

I know. It's a Bible sentence. I get it. He didn't know, right? He just he just he just what he's doing IS LIKE HE'S DOING ALL OF THIS BIG BRAVADO TALK NOT REALIZING, LISTEN, this this man is a giant slayer. If he can kill Goliath, God better help you, bro, right? Sometimes I speak to people. Let me tell

you this now. If you don't pay your bills, there's a giant slayer coming for you. Oh, you didn't know? Listen. Did you know they can repossess cars? You didn't Did you know that? They can come and they can lift that thing. Listen, you could put one of those you know the steering wheel locks. My car is

safe. No, they'll come and they'll lift it off the ground. They'll take it, you know? That's for someone here. Amen. Pay your monthly payments for your monthly bills for your car, right? But this is what I'm trying to say to you. Look look what's happening here. The reality is he didn't realize by speaking

like this that it was going to be the end of his household. The way you speak could be the end of your household. Did you know that? The way that you communicate could be the end of your household. Nabal spoke like a fool and he's just talking and talking and and he's not

really he's vomiting. AND YOU DON'T REALIZE THIS THAT YOU KNOW WHAT? AS HE'S SPEAKING LIKE THIS, THE HOUSEHOLD HE'S losing the respect of his household and he's putting them at risk. The decisions he made were resource related. The decision he made was security related. It was security related. See, disappointing men put burdens on

those around them because they now have to fix your issues or step into an arena that you should be taking care of. You know, now I'm older, I realize how amazing my mom is. You know, it's it's it's such a cliché when the the son says, "My mom is so amazing." It's a cliché. Do you know

what I mean? I'm not a mommy's boy. My wife will tell you, I really ain't. I really ain't. So, for me, it's it's got I really realized, you know what? This woman is just a special woman. She's just different, right? And the only reason I I I can see this is because of the burden

because of the burden that she's had to carry. You You know, my mom has unfortunately had to bury two husbands. My biological dad died when I was 1. My stepdad died when I was uh about 19 18 19, right? She's had to bury two husbands. In a In a space of about 20 odd years,

she's had to bury two husbands. This woman, you know, she had to come to the UK. I've told you that before. English is not her first language. She worked it out, worked during the day, studied during the night. She raised three terrorists and then adopted a fourth. You know, and we were bad children. I'm

just going to We were bad children. We were You know, like it's it's You know, when you get to the point where you're so exhausted that you can't even tell the children off anymore. Like you just haven't got no She had no energy She's just got to the point that this one's getting arrested, this one's

doing this. Even the girl like the girl was even The girl behaved like a man. Did you know And it's just like she gets to the point she's just trying her best to And I realized, you know what? This woman has had to suffer and fight because she was surrounded by disappointing men. And I'm going to

quantify this, guys, right? Because you're like, "Well, Bernie, man, they died." My dad was extremely wealthy. You know, I I read stories about him and, you know, old newspaper clippings. First guy in Uganda to have a Porsche. He had a national bus service. That's a lot of to have a national bus service.

He must make a lot of money, right? Right? So, when he died, why was my mom broke? When he died, why was she broke? WHY? WHY DID SHE HAVE TO SEEK ASYLUM? WHAT WHY? WHERE WAS ALL WHERE was all the money? Where did all THE MONEY GO? WHERE DID ALL THE BUSES GO? WHERE DID ALL THE

PROPERTIES GO? WHERE DID IT WHY DID SHE HAVE TO START AGAIN? THERE WAS WEALTH THERE. YES. I'VE HEARD STORIES and everyone's like, "Oh, your dad was a legend. He did He did all of these things and he did all of that." And they always get frustrated with me because when they're telling me

the stories, I'm not interested. They're looking at me like I'm like, "What's your point?" They're all just like, "Come on, man. This is your dad. We're telling you about your dad." I listen, yeah. Praise God for him, man. Whatever. YEAH, HE WAS SUCCESSFUL. GOOD. GOOD. GOOD. BUT, I don't know any of his

success. BECAUSE HIS SUCCESS never trickled down to me. I want to tell you that you're making decisions, man, that you know what? Your children are going to They're going to hate you for them. You're making decisions now that your children are are going to hate you for them. You know, I'm telling you now

because, you know, I've got to make some choices. I've got to make some choices so that I me and my wife are in a position where, you know what? We can be a blessing to our children. But, let me tell you this now, if you don't get these things and you don't work this

stuff out, you're going to be a disappointment. CUZ PEOPLE THEN HAVE TO STEP INTO your arena. In 1 Samuel 25:18, the Bible says that Abigail made haste. And she took 200 loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five sheep already dressed, five shears of roasted grain, 100 clusters of raisins, 200 cakes of figs, and loaded them up on

the donkey. And she said to her servants, "Go on before me. I'm coming after you. But she did not tell her husband Nabal, why? Cuz he could not be SPOKEN TO. SHE HAD TO STEP INTO HIS arena because he could not be SPOKEN TO. SHE HAD TO TAKE THE LEADERSHIP position because he could not lead. He refused to

do what he was supposed to do. She didn't ask FOR PERMISSION. SHE HAD TO ACT. SHE HAD TO GATHER THE PROVISIONS. SHE HAD TO CALCULATE ALL OF THESE THINGS. HOW MANY MEN DID DAVID HAVE? There's about 400 of them, 200 of them over there. So I need TO MAKE SURE I'VE GOT ENOUGH FOOD FOR 600 MEN. I'VE GOT TO

CALCULATE THESE THINGS. I'VE GOT TO WORK THESE THINGS OUT. SHE HAD TO STEP INTO AN arena because the man couldn't do it. The most saddest thing is when a son has to stand in between a mother and a father to defend his mom. That's the saddest thing. Cuz of disappointing men. It's a disappointment.

And what happens is is when you end up marrying these people or you know what, you have dates or relationships with these people and then now you're tainted and now you feel like, you know what, all men are pigs, all men are this. No, they're not that. YOU JUST FOUND some disappointing men.

They're disappointing and they were a disappointment. You know what Abigail did? She lost confidence in her husband's ability to lead. She lost the confidence. She If a woman is still shouting and arguing with you, she kind of still believes in you. But when she gets to the point where she's just like, you're not even worth the energy.

Bro, whatever. Whatever, man. Everything that comes out of your mouth is just nonsense. Whatever. Wait. She She She just didn't even like I don't I don't even want to hear it. I don't even want the conversation. I think IT WAS LIKE THIS LET ME JUST FIX IT. BECAUSE I'VE BEEN FIXING THINGS. I'VE I'VE JUST GOT TO WORK IT OUT. I'M

GOING TO SORT THIS THING OUT. AND SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW, AS THE PASTOR, THE THE WOMEN GET PASTOR, MY HUSBAND. PASTOR, MY HUSBAND. PASTOR, MY HUSBAND. AND I'M LIKE, "OOH." WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? IT'S JUST DISAPPOINTING. You know. A wife should not have to bear the burden of

leadership because her husband has neglected his responsibility. She shouldn't. You know. I was discipled in the old school. What I mean by that is Pastor Courtney, he was onto me. Like, you know, he would say things to me like, "Brendan, man, what you doing again?" Like, you know, randomly. Like, he knows what I do.

Because, you know, I'd come to to to church sometimes with my uniform, my little bathroom uniform on. And he And he he'd be like, "What you doing again?" I'm like, "I work in bathroom." And he And he goes, "You going to sell toilets all your life?" And then walked off. I said, "Well, that's so rude."

"You going to sell toilets all your life?" And then he said, you know, then I used to feel like he was getting at me where he would say things like, "You know, you have to leave an inheritance for your children's children." And you can't even just cover your bills. He said Think about it. He used to say

things like this to me. He's like, "Brendan, do better." "Do better." And I Listen. It used to just I'm like, "I don't know how to do better." Like They don't get it. We know she does not respect him because of the way the way she spoke about him. 1 Samuel 25:25-26, please, let not my lord regard this

scoundrel. She's speaking about her husband. For his name for for he is as his name is, a fool, and folly is within him. Right? She's saying he's a fool. She might not say these things to your face. She might not even say them to others. But deep down in her heart, she does not

respect you. Respect is a spiritual thing.