Video by emilyorta

You were predictable. Not because you were consistent, but because I could predict exactly how you were going to let me down. If you said I'll call you when I get home, I knew I'd fall asleep waiting. If you told me we'd see each other, I knew it would only happen if I rearranged my life to make it happen.

If you promised you'd do something, I stopped expecting it before you even forgot. The sad part is I wasn't even surprised anymore. I'd tell my friends, watch, he's going to. And then you would, every single time. You became so predictable that I started grieving things before they even happened. I'd prepare myself for the disappointment before you had the chance to create it.

I'd make the backup plan before I ever asked for your help. I'd stop needing you before you had the chance to not be there. Do you know what that does to someone? It teaches them that they're on their own. Not because they want to be, but because depending on you became more painful than doing it themselves.

I was so feminine when we met. I trusted you. I leaned into you. I softened and I believed someone else could hold me for a little while but little by little you trained me out of all of it not with one big betrayal but with hundreds of tiny ones the unanswered calls the forgotten promises

the I'll let you know the I'm sorry the next time eventually I stopped believing your words before you even finished saying them and I think that's what finally broke us not the lies not the distance not even the disappointment It was the day I realized I could predict it. Because love never should become that predictable.