Video by lexieshoaibi

If you have a crush on someone right now, I need you to listen to me. Put the Instagram stories down. Put the Instagram stories down. I am begging you. You are out of your mind insane right now. And things that feel like good ideas, they're bad ideas. You're out of control. You've left planet

earth. It's not your fault. You have ingested a drug you didn't even realize you were ingesting, and now you're dealing with a crush. You don't even know how unrecognizable you are to your true self right now. And having access to Instagram stories when you have a crush is the same as doing a bunch of pills, having three martinis,

and operating heavy machinery. Put the heavy machinery down and walk away. Once you are back on planet earth, you will thank me. You will get down on your hands and knees and you will cry tears of gratitude that I warned you that you are not safe from yourself right now. That screenshot that you took of a Spotify playlist

where his favorite song is just halfway visible at the bottom, it's not subtle. You're a danger to yourself and others. I'm so serious. Put the Instagram stories down.