Video by emilyannwillcox

I'm not entirely sure how this happened. After almost five years of competing in the Situationship Olympics, I've finally been promoted to girlfriend. Now I know what you're thinking. Isn't complaining about men your entire personality? Yes, and I'm thrilled to announce the format remains unchanged. The only difference now is that when I do complain about men,

one of them has to sit there and listen. Anyway, the truth is, dating isn't some sort of exam where if you behave correctly or say the right thing, someone might pick you. As it turns out, the right person doesn't need cucking. I mean, convincing. Apparently relationships work best when two people actually like each other.

Truly a radical concept. I know it's easy to lose hope when the dating pool feels like a clearance aisle of delinquent man-children who expect wifey benefits on a free trial subscription. But good men do exist. They're just harder to find than a priest at a brothel. In my case it only took roughly 10,000 swipes, a full moon, and a Ouija board to finally crack Hinge.

Winning.