Video by emilyannwillcox

I'm having an existential crisis and I've just moved to London. Tonight I've got a hot date in the city. And I'm really hoping that his package will be more satisfying than this one. I've been in London now for three whole weeks. Long enough to go without a table in my house. But apparently not long enough to find a new job or a husband to sustain me.

Treated myself to the cheapest table I could find on Amazon. I'm sure it won't get used much since I starved myself to conform to modern day beauty standards anyway. Tonight's date location is giving main character energy. I mean, do you even live in London if you don't go around pretending like you're in a movie

and then tell absolutely everyone about how amazing your life is. When really you're just a burnt-out soulless corporate minion with a fake social media personality and a false sense of job security. Anyway, the date was a success. Partly because this was the best lemon meringue pie I've ever had in my life. But mostly because it was free.

Winning.